


Breathless

by Music_Boxx



Series: Breathless [1]
Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Music_Boxx/pseuds/Music_Boxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going to the grocery store, Addie never expected to meet the love of her life, awkwardly offering samples of cheese to customers, but that's exactly what happened. What started with a kiss quickly snowballs into so much more, leaving her nothing less than breathless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Weren't On My List

I lifted the small basket from the stack that sat on the floor just inside the grocery store's doors, setting off for the produce section ahead of me. I had a short list of items that I needed to pick up before I could head home. I had been running errands all day, and had a trunk full of groceries waiting for me in the parking lot, so full that I wasn't even sure if I could fit much more in it. I shuffled through the aisle, occasionally stopping to pick up the next item on my list. With only a few things left to grab, I passed by a small table with a shaggy looking man standing behind it. I lowered my head, hoping he wouldn't stop me, but that's exactly what happened.

"Excuse me, miss?" He called out, grabbing my attention. I redirected myself toward the table, stopping just in front of it. The man behind it was tall, much taller than myself, with dark brown hair that curled around his hair and just brushed his shoulders. He had a scruffy beard that matched his hair, slight hints of gray shining as the light hit him. 

"Can I help you?" I asked, eyeing him carefully. I noticed the free cheese samples on the table in front of me, and tentatively grabbed one, plucking it off the toothpick with my teeth. The employee watched me intently, seemingly memorizing my every move. I shuddered at the intense look he was giving me, watching him with an equally hawk like stare. This seemed to stun him from his trance, leaving him blubbering and pawing through the binder he held in his hand.

"Now, I-uh- I hope you don't mind if I ask you a few questions," He managed to blurt, leaving him looking awkward and clueless.

I shrugged, trying to act casual, though on the inside I was cracking up at the man fumbling before me. "Go ahead," I answered, gesturing toward the binder.

He looked down at it, "How often do you use cheese in a typical week?" The question was bland enough to where I had no second guesses about this man.

"One or two times a week, I guess," I shrugged, contemplating whether or not I should take another piece. I looked up when I heard him hiss through his teeth, seeing him cringe at the binder in front of him. I tried to peek over the edge of the binder, but I could only make out some blurry words and a company logo. 

"Uh, geez, I'm so sorry about this," He mumbled, massaging his temples as if fighting away a headache. "Um, so uh, your face, my face, let's make this happen?" He asked, clearly looking uncomfortable as he did so. I nearly choked on the piece of cheese I had snatched while he was fumbling around, grabbing at my throat as if it would help the piece go down. Once I regained my composure and assured that the cheese had gone down, I looked at him, raising my eyebrow as if to question how serious he was. He looked at me desperately, then looking somewhere past me, as if looking into a hidden camera. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and laughing softly.

"Life's too short to say no, I guess?" I shrugged, not very confident in my answer. His eyes darted back to me, looking a little more than ecstatic. He chuckled softly, leaning across the table, gesturing for me to do the same. I followed his lead, leaning over and pressing my lips gently against his. We stayed like this for a moment, neither of us willing to break away. Something seemed to startle the man, causing him to jump and pull away from me. He watched me for another moment, his dark eyes seeming to swallow every bit of light around him. I stared at him, trying to find my composure, but failing. 

We must have looked pitiful, standing there just watching each other silently. He slowly extended his hand, which I nervously took. 

"Brian," He said, his voice just above a whisper. 

"Addie," I responded, pulling away to dig a piece of paper and a pen out from my purse. I scribbled down my phone number, setting it down near his hand. I walked away, turning back just in time to see him pick it up and glance at it. It read:

You leave me breathless.


	2. New Ink

I pulled into the driveway of my house, parking the car and walking around to the trunk to start unloading the groceries. Taking armloads at a time, I shuffled awkwardly toward the front door, fumbling with my keys to find the one for my door, only to drop them on the ground as I tried to shove the key in the lock. I groaned loudly, throwing my head back in exhaustion. Now was not the time for my keys to disagree with me, and the last thing I wanted was to try and juggle all of these groceries while trying to pick the keys off of the front porch. Instead of trying to pick them up, I kicked the door furiously, hoping to grab the attention of my friend Alex, who had just moved in with me two months ago. 

"Who is that?" I heard from behind the door, followed by heavy footsteps leading toward the front of the house. A moment later the door opened, and I was facing my friend, who was eyeing my armload of items. "Got enough to carry?" She asked, making no move to grab some of the bags, instead reaching down for the keys.

"Haha, very funny. Just move before I drop all of my shit," I retorted, wiggling past her and shuffling to the kitchen to set my things down. Deciding I would wait to put everything away except for the items that needed to be refrigerated, I made my way back to the living room and took a place next to my friend. "So, some guy kissed me at the grocery store today," I stated, looking at her over my glasses. 

"Wait, what?" She asked, her eyes growing wide as saucers.

I nodded, recalling the events that led up to the awkward yet undoubtedly intriguing moment, which left her pressing her hands against her face and squealing. My cheeks warmed as I told her how I left him my number, and how I actually hoped that he would text me. I wasn't holding my breath, exactly, but there was a part of me that wanted to sit and stare at my phone in hopes he would get ahold of me. Though Alex continued to pester me about it, I didn't much want to continue with the subject, fearing that I would get my hopes up if I continued to think about him. Of course I was hoping I would hear from him, I had to admit that the guy was attractive, and something deep down told me that I wanted more than a friendship with him.

"Did you at least get his name?" Alex questioned, breaking me from my thoughts. 

"His name's Brian," I told her, my insides fluttering at the mere mention of him. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way, I was sure it wasn't any sort of attraction, but I couldn't think of any other reason as to why these butterflies were in my stomach. 

Alex watched me closely, clearly noticing my unusual behavior. She questioned me about it, but I brushed it off as being tired and we dropped the subject. Trying to break the silence, I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until we agreed on a show. I had never seen it before, but Alex insisted that it was hilarious. Impractical Jokers, it was called, something about four friends making each other do ridiculous things. I didn't really pay attention when Alex was explaining though, I was too busy staring wide eyed at one of the guys on the TV. He looked exactly like the guy I saw in the store today. Same shaggy hair and beard, same broad shoulders and glittering brown eyes. I didn't mention this to Alex, knowing how much she loved this show and how jealous she would get knowing that the guy I kissed just so happened to be her favorite Joker. 

Several hours passed before I finally forced myself off of the couch to make dinner. Though I can say that I'm a decent cook, it's hard making five star meals on a young artist's salary. I just got a job at a small tattoo parlor, and even though the salary was nothing to complain about, most of the money went to the bills and the groceries, not leaving much for anything high end or expensive. 

I sighed at the meager supplies, working out a way to make a meal out of them. I found a box of pasta noodles on the top shelf in the pantry, pulling a chair from the kitchen to reach it, all the while cursing my small stature. I was just barely 5'4" and had begrudgingly accepted my small size and the fact that I would have to stand on chairs to reach anything above the second shelf for the rest of my life.

Almost 45 minutes later the pasta was done and Alex and I sat across from each other at the table in our dining room. She chattered on about the day's events, her class assignments, and so on. Alex was two years younger than me and still in college for fashion design. I tried my best to give her my full attention, but my mind kept drifting back to Brian, Q, his friends called him, and the kiss in the store. Was that all a dare? Was that all I was to him? I suddenly felt like a fool for giving him my number, but more than anything I was angry. Angry at him for using me as a joke and angrier at myself for falling for it. I bit my lip, trying to suppress my rage, not just for my sake, but for Alex's. I must have done a good job, because Alex hadn't stopped talking to question my silence. 

We both finished our dinners and washed the dishes, putting them in the dish washer and returning to the living room to watch some cheesy horror flick before retiring for the night. I walked up to my room, pretty much dragging my feet at this point. I hadn't realized how tired I was before now, but as I lay in my bed, my thoughts wouldn't let me rest. I kept replaying the moment in the store, constantly wondering if it was all just a joke. It must have been, and I couldn't help but wonder if he went back to his friends and laughed at me. I groaned and pressed my pillow against my face, trying to force my mind to shut down for the night, promising it that I would worry about these things tomorrow. Eventually my thoughts slowed enough to allow me to fall asleep, and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up to the sun in my eyes and birds chirping outside my window. Spring had finally arrived and the chill of winter seemed to be a thing of the past. After much internal bickering, I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom, cranking the water on and stripping out of my night clothes before hopping into the shower. The hot water beat down on my back, and with the rhythmic pitter patter, I slowly came out of my groggy state. I wasn't sure how long I spent in the shower, but I was hoping for a few minutes more, disappointed when I heard Alex banging on the door, demanding I get out and let her shower. I finally shut off the water and got out, wrapping myself in a towel and throwing the door open. 

"All yours," I told her, slipping past to head for my room. I picked through my closet, finally settling on some plain black leggings, a white tank top, and a pale gray sweater that ended just above my knees. I tugged on some shoes, black and gray checkered vans, and grabbed my purse. Passing by the bathroom, I knocked on the door to tell Alex that I was leaving. It was a morning routine, where whoever left first knocked on the door signaling our departure. I'm not sure when it started, but it had become so normal that I couldn't imagine going a morning without doing it.

Walking out the door, I made my way down to my car, starting it up and backing out of the driveway. I turned onto the street and made my way to work.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed I was the first one here. Naturally, I thought, getting out of the car and unlocking the shop, heading in to set things up for the day. When everything was in order, I looked at my appointments for today. Toward the end of my shift I had someone penciled in named Sal, and though the name seemed familiar, I couldn't exactly remember where I heard it. I tried to shrug it off as a coincidence, but as the day slugged by and clients came and went, I still couldn't remember where I heard that name. 

I glanced at the clock mounted on the walls, almost shocked to realize that it was almost the end of the day. Had I really been working that long? I couldn't really remember the events of the day clearly, just barely remembering each client leaving with their new ink, happy and proud to show off my art. 

I was cleaning up my station when the door opened with a jingle and four rowdy guys walked in. The girl at the desk, Teri, greeted them, asking if they had appointments. Three of the guys nodded, and that's when I recognized them. The Impractical Jokers. I couldn't help but chuckle a little, looking at the smug look on one of the guys faces. I wasn't sure what was going on, but as I was finishing cleaning up, I looked up to see Brian grinning and waving at me. I smiled awkwardly and waved back, trying to distract myself with something before it grew awkward. 

Teri pointed one of the guys, Sal, I assumed, to my station to sit. The two others, Brian and some ferrety looking guy, took seats not far from Sal. The last of the four pulled me aside and shook my hand. He told me what he wanted me to do on Sal, and I had to stifle a giggle as I walked back to start the drawing. Not long after I started the sketch, I was applying the stencil to Sal's thigh. I watched as two other artists began their work on Brian and who I earlier learned was called Murr. 

"Okay, you ready?" I asked, dipping the needle in ink and leaning in to start.

Sal nodded, "I guess I have no choice." He laughed, and I had to steady his leg before I started.

The entire tattoo took less time than I expected. After I finished, I washed off all of the excess ink, letting Sal know that I was finished. Brian had finished some time ago, but the fourth guy, Joe, demanded he not look at it until Murr and Sal were finished. 

Finally with all three tattoos finished, they all looked in the mirrors, followed by loud screams and curses directed at Joe. I found it sort of funny, but I couldn't help but feel bad for the guys. After the outbursts died down and the cameras had been shut off, the three guys were up at the front desk paying for their surprise tattoos. I glanced up occasionally as I cleaned up, watching Brian wince and look at the inside of his arm every few minutes. He seemed to be in a considerable amount of pain, and I didn't blame him. The inside of the arm was a tender spot, and it was no walk in the park getting tattooed there. When the three of them had finished paying, they started for the door. Brian hung back, gesturing for his friends to go ahead, and that he would catch up. He turned around and came back toward me. I tried to fight off the twisting in my stomach, but as he got closer my cheeks began to burn. 

"I should probably explain why I haven't called you, huh?" He said, his eyes resting on anything that wasn't me.

"Actually, that's not what I'm worried about. What I want to know is that kiss, was it all just a joke? Did it mean nothing to you?" I asked, trying to sound angry, though I couldn't mask the shaking in my voice. 

He sighed softly and bit his lip. "It was a dare, but that's not all it was to me. It meant something more, I promise you," He explained, his eyebrows knitted together. I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth, but his voice seemed sincere enough, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

We talked for a few minutes before he had to leave, but not before promising that he would get ahold of me. On the way to the door, he stopped, as if having second thoughts. 

"Are you free tomorrow night?" He asked, and though the question was rather out of the blue, it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Yeah," I said softly, and fearing that he hadn't heard me, I spoke up. "Yeah, I get off at 6:30," I added, biting my lip in an attempt to fight away the butterflies in my stomach.

"Good. I'm taking you out to dinner, just the two of us," He said, "I'll text you the address."

"It's a date," I agreed, unable to hide my joy. He seemed equally excited, and probably a bit relieved that I hadn't shot him down. Needless to say, I left the shop that evening in a better mood than I had been in in recent years and unable to wait for tomorrow evening.


	3. It's Just Us, Tonight

As soon as I got back home, I threw open the front door and called madly for Alex. She shouted from upstairs, the beating of shower water muffling her voice. I just about kicked the front door shut and sprinted upstairs, banging madly on the door. “Alex, Alex, Alex! You’ll never believe what happened!” I shouted, excitement bubbling up making me feel like I’m about to burst. 

“What the hell is it?” She asked, opening the door, one hand on the door frame, one holding a towel around her body. Her hair was soapy and dripping, her skin still red from the hot shower. She seemed irritated, but I knew that she was just trying to mask her curiosity. 

“I got asked on a date!” I howled, throwing my hands up in the air. I don’t think I would have been this excited if it weren’t for the fact that I hadn’t been on an actual date since my senior year in high school.

Alex’s eyes grew wide, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “That’s amazing! Who was it?” She asked, leaning in closely as if I was revealing an age old secret in a group of people. I chuckled softly to myself at the thought, and leaned in close to her.

“It was that guy from the grocery store,” I continued, clasping my hands together to keep them from shaking. Despite my unbelievable joy, it had been joined by jittery nerves and doubt. Of course, this whole date could be another joke, or maybe Brian just wouldn’t show up. He hadn’t even sent me the address, so what if he never actually meant for us to get together? Alex’s shriek of excitement shocked me out of my thoughts, her hands gripping me by the shoulders. She had tucked in the end of her towel to keep it from falling to the ground specifically to shake me wildly. I started laughing, and she joined in after a moment. Once we had calmed down, I let Alex finish her shower, and I returned downstairs to take a spot on the couch. I plucked the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV on. I didn’t have much better to do since Alex had promised to make dinner tonight, and so I decided to kill some time flipping through the channels. I saw Impractical Jokers come up on the TV guide, selecting it with only a hint of doubt. Even seeing Brian fueled the thoughts of him standing me up. I was scared, so nervous I might throw up, and overjoyed all at the same time. It was a weird mix of emotions that I wasn’t sure what to do with, and it easily killed any hint of hunger that even thought of creeping into my gut. 

I watched on in silence, only looking away from the screen to see Alex come downstairs, fully clothed and still bouncing with happiness. At the moment, I didn’t really feel like sharing the mood, but with enough coaxing, and way too much shrieking, Alex finally convinced me to join her up in my room to pick out an outfit. I wasn’t sure what the big deal was, and I told her I was probably just going to wear a sweater and some jeans, but she “strongly suggested” I wear something else, and when I say strongly suggested, I mean saying “Hell no,” and picking something else out for me. 

We had spent a good hour up in my room and it was edging close to 8:30. Neither of us had eaten, and I could tell she was as hungry as I am. We both agreed to go down and start dinner, and even though Alex had promised to make it, I ended up helping out more than I would have liked to. We had decided on homemade macaroni and cheese, flashbacks to my college days, making Instant Mac in the microwave and eating it over a textbook. It didn’t take long to make, but it wasn’t half bad. Alex was an exceptional cook, and growing up with a mother who lived and breathed home style cooking, she must have inherited some of those skills, gracing me with them when she moved in. Though Alex made some of the best food I’ve ever tasted, she often despised being anywhere near the kitchen except to get a snack or a drink. I couldn’t understand why, maybe it was all of her years practically growing up in a kitchen that left her with a distaste for the room. But when I did manage to get her cooking, it was well worth it. 

“So did Brian text you the address yet?” She asked through a mouthful of cheesy noodles, making me visibly cringe. She swallowed loudly and asked again, leaning over the table to look at me. “Well, by the look on your face, I’m guessing that’s a no,” She frowned, genuine sadness in her eyes. She felt bad for me, I could tell, and though I appreciated the sympathy, I wasn’t much up for talking about it, fearing that it would only make me feel worse. I shoved my chair back and stood up, my appetite creeping away from me once again. I cleaned off my plate and shoved it in the dish washer, hoping to distract myself from the nagging doubt in my mind. Though I was disappointed, I was starting to understand why I hadn’t heard anything. This guy was famous, girls probably threw themselves at him wherever he went, and so I could understand why one more wouldn’t mean all that much to him. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I probably wasn’t going to hear from him, and walking back to the living room, I was shocked to hear my phone go off. I looked down at the small screen, unlocking it to see a message from an unknown number. 

The text gave me the address and the time to meet, another popping up a moment later to clarify that it was, in fact, Brian.

I giggled at the message, and though I could have sworn it was under my breath, Alex came shooting out of the kitchen and nearly running me over. She was trying to peek over my shoulder and read the message, and it wasn’t that difficult with my short height. She started giggling like an idiot, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together. I could have sworn she was happier about this date than I was, and I was the one going on it. I grinned stupidly at her, clutching the phone close to my chest. 

I went through the rest of the night counting down the hours until the date. Even though Alex had suggested I go to bed early, both to pass the time and to get a well needed rest, I don’t think I could fall asleep even if I tried. I eventually ended up passing out around one in the morning on the couch, dreaming of tomorrows date.

***   
I woke up the next morning in the same awkward position I had fallen asleep in. My clothes were wrinkled and my hair stuck out in awkward directions. I looked like a train hit me, and I felt like it too, but I managed to make my way into the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on. I wasn’t much of a fan of the bitter liquid, but this morning I knew I needed it. I stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew when Alex walked in. She looked much better than I did, but her eyes were just barely open and she seemed to wobble where she stood. I could tell she wasn’t quite awake yet, so I handed her the first cup of coffee, wrapping her hands around it tightly so she wouldn’t drop the cup. She thanked me through a yawn and sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Once I had made a second cup, I sat next to her and drank it slowly, savoring the warmth as it slid down my throat. I was already thinking about the date tonight, even though it was still several hours away. I figured work would take my mind off of it, at least for a while. I mumbled something about going to shower and slowly worked my way up the stairs to my bedroom. I wasn’t sure if I had the mental capacity at the moment to pick out a complete outfit, so I decided to work on that after I had showered. I grabbed a towel from the closet and closed the bathroom door behind me. 

I twisted the knob until the water was hot enough to wake me up. I stripped of the clothes I fell asleep in and hopped into the shower, shutting the glass door behind me. The instant the water hit my skin, I began to wake up. The haze cleared from my eyes and I was able to mentally prepare for the day. Sometime slipped by before I brought myself to shut off the water and step out of the shower, grabbing my towel to dry myself off. I wrapped it around my torso and pulled the bathroom door open. The cool air hit my bare skin and made me shiver, goosebumps rising on my skin, making me miss the hot water. I darted to my bedroom, shutting the door and dropping the towel around my ankles. I picked out my clothes, nothing fancy, leggings and a sleeveless shirt with a cat wearing sunglasses on it. I threw on my favorite gray knit sweater and tugged my vans from beside my bed and pulled them on. I looked in the mirror and combed my short, white blond hair, all the while giving myself a much needed pep talk to get me through the day. I didn’t hate my job, but it definitely took a lot of patience and level headedness that I didn’t have today. My nerves were already eating away at me as I made my way down the hall. I knocked twice on the bathroom door and jogged down the stairs, grabbing my purse and heading through the door.

I finally arrived at work, and not surprisingly, I was the first to arrive. I unlocked the door and turned the lights on. There was plenty to busy myself with, though it seems like I finished them all before anyone even arrived. It wasn’t until 12:45 that the other artists arrived, busying themselves with setting up their stations, chatting, or making coffee. I leaned over my schedule today, looking to see when my first client would come in. It wasn’t until 1:30, but I groaned as I saw it was a rib piece. Getting tattooed on the ribs was painful, and besides the fact that many people flinch and squirm, and sometimes even tap out, when getting their ribs tattooed, the skin was also stretched out when the client was lying down, and so it would look different when they were standing up. I hoped it wasn’t a large piece, and I was happy to find out that it was only a small elephant that they wanted done, which would make my day so much easier.

The clients came and went, satisfied with the work I had done on them. Though I loved my job, tattooing on several people sure did make for a long day. I checked the clock, almost glad that it was the end of the day. I was just getting ready to leave when a large man walked through the door, leaning over the desk and looking down at Teri. Poor girl looked like she was going to faint. His voice was deep and quiet, and had a sort of threatening tone hidden beneath it. I watched carefully as he demanded he get a tattoo done right this instant, and despite Teri telling him multiple times that we were closing for the day, he wouldn’t budge. She finally caved, and the man lifted his gaze, looking from one artist to another. His eyes rested on me for a moment, and I was terrified that he was going to demand I do his tattoo. By some stroke of luck, he asked for someone who didn’t have a date tonight. I finished closing up my station and left the shop, quickly heading home so that I could change and get ready for my date with Brian.

Walking in the front door, I could tell that Alex wasn’t home yet. Usually she got home shortly before me, but some days she stayed after later to get help from her professor. I had joked with her that she was probably screwing her teacher, and even though she played along with it, she assured me that that was the furthest thing from what was happening, and most of her teachers were too old for her taste. I slipped into the dress that Alex had picked out for me, checking myself out in the mirror. The dress was white and hugged my body tightly. It ended just above my knees and cut a low v across my chest, exposing more than I would have cared for. Though it was rather revealing, I couldn’t help but marvel at how different I looked. I picked up the heels that Alex had set with the dress, glossy, silver, and heels high enough that I’m sure I’d break my neck. Though I wobbled around as I walked around to adjust to them, I quickly got the hang of it and strutted up and down the hallway, giggling at my stupidity. 

I glanced at my watch, wincing as I realized if I loitered any longer I would be late. I snatched my purse off of my bed and quickly made my through the front door and to my car. It only took a few minutes before I reached the restaurant, but Brian had beaten me there. I went to open my door, but he rushed over, pulling it open for me. I climbed out of my car, taking his hand as he offered it to me. 

“Wow…” He breathed, looking me up and down. My cheeks flushed at the attention, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with the knots in my stomach. 

“Is that a good wow?” I chuckled, looking at him as he held the restaurant door open for me. I walked in and gawked at the beautiful scene before me. 

The building was much larger than it had seemed on the outside, with several rooms and a stage with an orchestra playing on it. Brian grabbed my shoulders, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

“Impressed?” He asked, his beard tickling against my skin as he smiled. I could only manage to nod, looking around at the rooms, wondering how he had managed to get a reservation. The place was packed, and several people were sitting on the benches that lined the front area waiting for a table to open up. 

A server approached us, looking down at a small notepad before looking back at us. “Mr. Quinn?” She asked, and Brian nodded. She led us to a secluded area with only a few tables, though both were occupied, it felt private and intimate. He stood at my side of the table, pulling the chair out for me to sit down, pushing it back in as I took a seat. He walked around to the other side of the table and took his seat, gazing at me for another moment before another waiter approached.

“Can I offer you some wine?” the waiter asked, handing us a thin menu.

Everything looked so expensive, but before I could say anything about the price, Brian said, “I would like a bottle of your finest wine, please.”

I watched him wide eyed, feeling awful about him spending so much money on me, even if it was a date. He seemed to read my mind though, and assured me that he could afford it and he didn’t have a problem paying for it.

“After all,” He continued, “Nothing but the best for this lovely lady, am I right?” He smirked, and I swear that smile could have made me melt. He could have gotten me to do anything with that face, and I would have done it without question. I shuddered, my cheeks growing warm and my palms sweaty. 

I smiled back, “What, did you invite another woman?” 

He laughed, deep and hearty and undeniably contagious. I began to giggle, only to shut my mouth as he rested his hand on mine. “No, it’s just us tonight,” He whispered, his voice like honey, sweet and smooth.

The waiter returned with the wine, and we placed our orders. Despite Brian insisting that price wasn’t an issue, I tried to look for something on the menu that wasn’t ridiculously expensive. The food came quickly, and it was absolutely astounding. I couldn’t even begin to explain how good it was. 

The date seemed to end just as it started, and I was already looking forward to the possibility of another one. We left the restaurant, if not a bit hesitantly, and I couldn’t believe how dark it was. I watched as Brian stepped closer to me, placing his hands gently on my hips. I gasped softly, carefully placing my hands on his chest. My heart pounded against my ribs, threatening to pop out of my chest. He looked down at me, meeting my eyes and smiling softly. It wasn’t the same mind bending smirk that he had given me at the table, it was sweet, caring, and almost innocent. I bit my lip softly, scared to make the first move, but scared that he wouldn’t if I didn’t. That fear was cast aside as he leaned down slowly, tentatively pressing his lips against my own, as if testing it out before becoming sure of himself. Fireworks went off inside my head, leaving me dizzy and ecstatic and yearning for more. His grip on me grew tighter, pulling me closer to him, if it was even possible. He only pulled away as a group of kids ran by, shouting and howling at us before speeding away.

“Thank you,” I whispered, barely able to find my voice, “For dinner.” 

His hands slipped off of my hips, bringing them up to cup my face. “Nothing but the best for you,” He restated, and though he had said the same thing earlier in the night, the words still left me screaming like a little schoolgirl. On the inside, of course.

We reluctantly parted after a few minutes, getting into our separate cars and driving home. Brian followed my car to my house to make sure I got home safe, and then headed on off on his own. 

I walked to the door, pulling the key out of my purse and walking inside. The lights were off and as I made my way upstairs, I realized that Alex had already gone to bed.

I dropped the dress to my feet and pulled on some shorts and a tank top, slipping into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash the makeup off of my face. After finishing in the bathroom, I walked back into my room, pulling the covers back and crawling into bed. I pulled the covers up, slowly drifting off to sleep, replaying the events of the night.


	4. A Special Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sorry about the time jump. I just needed it to get to the whole theme of the chapter.

Two months passed since the date with Brian, and nearly every day since then he’s showed up at my work to talk to me, more often than not bringing lunch in a small paper bag with my name and a little smiley face written on it. Sitting on my bed, my cheeks flushed at the thought of his kind gestures. We had gone on a few dates since the first one at the restaurant, none of them fancy or extravagant, but amazing all the same. I glanced down at the small keychain he bought me. It was two cartoon panda bears holding each other, a small frame with a picture of us in the center. The photo was from a day we spent in the park, and though he was swarmed by fans every so often, I enjoyed the time that we had spent together. 

Brian and the guys had just recently left on tour, and I was stuck without him for three weeks. Though I could still text and Skype him, it seemed lonelier without him here. Alex still hasn’t figured out that we were dating, even though she did end up seeing the episode where he kissed me in the supermarket. Her first reaction was total denial, and it took her several days to process that I had snagged a kiss from her favorite Joker. I knew she was upset, she’d had a crush on him for the longest time, but I think after a while she got over it, or at least hid her jealousy. I couldn’t imagine what she’d do if she found out that he and I were together, the thought alone scared me. 

I was sitting on my bed staring at my phone, hoping for a response from Brian. I had waited for a good ten minutes before I set my phone down and glanced at the clock. It was reaching into the later hours of the night, and though I knew I had work tomorrow, I was hesitant to go to bed. I didn’t want to miss a text from Brian, and though I knew falling asleep would bring me one day closer to seeing him, I couldn’t stand the thought of missing a message from him. Maybe I was being a bit too clingy. I mean, he had his career, just like I had mine. I had to let him do his own thing and trust he would get ahold of me when he had time. A soft sigh hissed through my teeth, and I spent a few minutes debating whether I should go to sleep or wait a few more minutes and see if I hear from him. Finally, sleep won, and I reached over to flick the light off. I set my head down on my pillow, and though my body was tired and desperately craving rest, I couldn’t find the mental peace that I needed. It didn’t take long for me to get frustrated, flopping onto my back and pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes. I didn’t understand it, why did this man leave me so completely and utterly incapable of functioning like a normal human being? Every time I was around him, I grew flustered and stupid, like a little girl around her crush. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was famous, or if he was just different in some other way, something deep beneath the surface. I pondered the thought for a while, and eventually fell asleep to the thoughts of him.

 

I woke up with a jolt, some nightmare chasing me out of my sleep. I sat upright, sweat trickling down my forehead and along my jaw. I was shaking and on edge, gripping my sheets like my life depended on it. Even now, the nightmare was starting to fade. I could barely remember what had happened, though it still scared me, like a silent hand gripping my throat. 

I turned to glance at the clock, cursing as I saw it was only 6:30, the sun barely peeking through my curtains. I fell back into my pillows, hoping to get as much sleep as I could on my day off, but my thoughts were interrupted by something tapping against my window. What in the world was that? I thought about ignoring it and going back to bed, but the noise became so insistent and irritating that I got up just to stop it. 

I tore open the curtains and pushed the window up, peering out onto the sidewalk below to see who or what was making the noise. Below, I saw Brian looking up at me, a pile of rocks in his hand and a stupid grin on his face. I tried to act angry, though my pure joy at his return made me chuckle, and I reached my hand out to wave at him. He dropped the stones and waved back, gesturing at the giant muffin in his hand.

“Sorry for waking you up, but I got breakfast! Forgive me?” He asked, stretching his eyes wide and sticking out his bottom lip. He knew I could never resist when he made puppy eyes at me, and quite often used that against me. I groaned, rolling my eyes with a tiny smile on my face.

“Fine, wait there,” I said, “I’ll be down in a minute.” I slipped back inside, pushing the window shut and turning back to my room. I grabbed leggings from my desk chair and pulled them on, hissing under my breath as I nearly tripped and fell on the floor. I bolted out of my room and down the stairs, taking them two at a time so I wouldn’t make Brian too late. When I got to the front door, I heard giggling and hushed voices from the other side. I thought I recognized the voices, but they were too quiet that I couldn’t tell. I opened the door to see Brian and the other Jokers behind him, waving and saying hello before making their way into my house.

“Come in, I guess?” I mumbled, watching as they made their way to the kitchen. Joe was the last to walk in, wielding a massive box of, you guessed it, doughnuts. I stifled a laugh, closing the door behind him and following them into the kitchen. I watched Joe grab a doughnut from the box, but instead of taking a bite out of it, or just shoving the entire thing in his mouth like he so often did, he produced a candle from his pocket, sticking it in the top of the pastry and lighting it with the flamethrower Brian had found in one of the kitchen drawers. I watched on in confusion, wondering whose birthday it was.

“Happy Birthday!” The four said in unison, throwing their hands up with bright eyes and giddy grins. I jumped, suddenly remembering that it was, in fact, my birthday. I must have forgotten about it in the stress of work and this thing Brian and I had going. I took the doughnut from Joe and waited a second before blowing out the candle. 

“What did you wish for?” Murr asked, but I shushed him, waving my finger in his direction.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true,” I reminded him, pulling the candle out and taking a bite of the doughnut. 

The five of us spent the rest of the day goofing off, sharing jokes and laughing until tears were running down our faces. It was getting late, and the guys got up, ready to depart. I hugged them each, thanking them for the wonderful time, and Joe for the doughnuts. They were heading out the door, Brian trailing behind them. 

“I’ll catch up to you guys,” He said, which earned a whistle from Sal and a wink from Joe and Murr. We both ignored them, and though I had an idea where this was going, I watched carefully as Brian shut the door, grabbing my hand and pulling me close. “What? Doesn’t the birthday girl deserve a special gift?” He asked, not waiting for an answer before pressing his lips against mine, something I don’t think I’d ever be used to. A shiver ran down my spine as his hands trailed down to my waist, his fingers slipping underneath my shirt, his kisses trailing down the side of my neck, just above my collar bone. A small sigh escaped my lips, and I felt Brian’s lips curl up in a smile against my skin. He pulled away, a cheeky grin lighting up his face. He tugged me toward the couch, sitting down and pulling me on top of him. His hands slid up my back, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it on the floor. His eyes trailed over my bare skin for a minute, seemingly analyzing every scar and every tattoo. My cheeks heated up as he traced a small tattoo on my left breast, a small rose. He pulled me closer, slamming his lips against mine. Our tongues pressed against each other, seemingly fighting for dominance, and after some time, I gave up, letting him explore my mouth. I grabbed at the edges of his jacket, wrestling with it for a frustrating moment before tugging it off of him and onto the floor beside my shirt. I managed to pull his shirt off, pulling back to marvel at the cat tattoo on the inside of his arm. I chuckled, remembering back to the day he got it done. He scowled at it, and though I thought it was cute, he clearly wasn’t too fond of it.

“I can cover that up for you,” I offered, but he shook his head, his lips trailing down my neck and to my chest, nibbling at the soft skin. I let out a quiet moan that I thought barely audible, but he must have heard it, because he continued to work the area with gentle kisses and bites. He pulled away to look over his work, giving a nod of approval to the deep purple mark right above the edge of my bra.

I smirked at him, leaning over to press my lips against his neck. His stubble tickled, and I had to suppress a giggle as it brushed against my mouth. I sat like this for a few moments, softly nibbling and licking at the spot just below his jaw. He groaned, holding me tighter against his chest, and though it made it a bit difficult to reach his neck, I enjoyed the feeling of his skin against mine. 

I pulled away suddenly as I heard the sound of a car pulling into the drive way. “Oh shit, Alex is home,” I realized, nearly falling off of Brian’s lap as I went to reach for our shirts. The car outside shut off and I heard the door open and close. We just pulled our shirts on as she walked in the door, staring wide eyed at us for a few minutes before shrieking. She covered her eyes and turned away.

“I’m not seeing this, I’m not seeing this. My roommate is totally not straddling Brian freaking Quinn!” She yelled out, total shock in her voice. I practically threw myself off of Brian, taking a spot next to him on the couch, though he got up a moment later, tugging me up with him.

“I guess I’ll be taking my leave,” He said, almost hesitantly, as he led me to the door. 

I planted a kiss on his lips, pulling away to see a smile run across his face from ear to ear. “Text me later, okay?” I said, and he nodded, backing out of the door and down to his car. 

I turned back to Alex to see her stare at me with the same wide eyes she had had a few minutes ago. “You’re dating him?” She asked in an eerily hushed tone. I was so afraid that she was angry, but after a second of silence, a grin spread across her face, and she threw her arms around me. “I can’t believe it!” 

We spent the rest of the night giggling and gossiping about nothing and everything, and it wasn’t until we were into the early hours of the morning that we finally went to bed. I was in the bathroom to brush my teeth when I noticed the trail of love bites that snaked down my neck and to my chest. I groaned loudly, wondering what my coworkers were going to say. I traced them lightly with my fingers and smiled, walking out of the bathroom and to my bedroom, flopping down onto the bed and turning off the lamp, easily slipping into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	5. Snowfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about not posting a chapter yesterday. X~X I hope the little smut+fluff at the end makes up for it!

I had trouble waking up the next morning as the chill of the coming winter crept through the windows and chilled me down to my bones. I pulled my blankets up to my chin and groaned, opening one eye just a slit to stare at the clock. It was only 8:30, so I still had a few hours to get ready for work. I wondered why I had woken up so early, as I usually get up closer to 11:30. I cursed myself for overthinking, knowing that now my mind was up and running, I would never be able to go back to sleep. I flipped over, reaching out to grab my phone from the charger. I turned it on, staring at the screen as it started up. I squinted my eyes as they adjusted to the sudden brightness of my home screen. I took a minute to admire the photo that served as my home screen. It was a photo of me and Brian, with Joe, Sal, and Murr peeking in at the edges of the picture. Where was this taken at? The memory seemed to slip just out of reach, drowsiness pushing it further from my grasp. I hoped that as I woke up I would remember, because even though my memory wasn’t always perfect, I knew I’d remember something like that.

I got up around 9:00, shuffling through the house, cursing up and down at the chilly weather. I had always hated the cold, so who knows why I live in New York. I wasn’t born here, though. I was born and raised in Pennsylvania, right on the lake, where we had six months of snow, four months of rain, and two months of sun. You would think I would be used to the snow, growing up in it, right? Wrong. It just makes me hate it even more. My bones creaked like I had lived for thousands of years as I walked up the stairs to the bathroom, desperately craving a hot shower.

Once I finished cleaning off, I walked out of the shower and toweled off. I was still tired, but at least I could properly function. I wiped off some of the steam that was on the mirror and stared at my reflection for a moment. I noticed the small line of love bites running from just underneath my jaw all the way down to right above my rose tattoo on my breast. I groaned, wondering how I was going to explain that to my coworkers and clients. I figured I could always wear a scarf, and for once, I was grateful for the cooling weather. 

It didn’t take long for me to get dressed, and even after I had finished, Alex still hadn’t gotten out of bed. I checked the clock, knowing she had to get to class soon. I wondered into her room, seeing her curled up in her leather reading chair, textbook propped against her knees, which had been pulled up to her chest as a makeshift table. I quietly slipped across the room, taking the book from her sleeping form and closing it on the desk. I nudged her once, then twice, before she finally woke up

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” I whispered, kneeling down to get a better look at her exhausted face. “Long night?” I asked, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. She gave me a groggy nod, seemingly still half asleep.

“Got a test today,” She said, barely able to force the sentence out. I started to wonder if she was getting sick, and pressed the back of my hand against her forehead, noticing the heat that was radiating off of her.

“I think you’re starting to get sick,” I told her, pulling away with a worried look, “I think you should stay home today.”

She shook her head violently, then seemed to regret it as she winced and grabbed her head. “Not sick, just tired,” She muttered, trying to get out of the chair. I pushed her back down, grabbing a blanket off of her bed and throwing it over her.

“You’re staying home today,” I said, this time demanding it. She seemed to know that she wasn’t going to win this battle and quit resisting, resting her head back on her knees and quickly falling asleep. 

I left her room and went downstairs, heading into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I had barely gotten into the pantry when I heard a pounding on the front door. I grumbled softly, wondering who could be here so early in the morning. The pounding continued until I reached the front door, pulling it open with barely suppressed irritation.

Brian stood at the front door, two massive muffins in his hands and a stupid grin on his face. “Good morning beautiful,” He greeted, walking inside as I moved to let him in. “Tough morning?” He asked, almost as if he had sensed the frustration radiating off of me.

“Yeah, you could say that. I woke up way too early and now Alex is sick, and to top it all off, my body hurts like I’m an old man,” I complained, taking the muffin that Brian had brought. I bit into it, savoring the sweet blueberries.

“Sounds rough,” He said sympathetically, kissing my forehead softly. 

I closed my eyes for a moment, my whole body heating up. Even though we’ve been dating for months, he still had a way to make me feel nervous around him. I nodded, taking another bite of my muffin and looking at him. He watched me with those dark, questioning eyes. He knew there was something more bothering me, but he didn’t seem to press for me to tell him, which I greatly appreciated. I didn’t really want to talk about it right now. 

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head. I listened to his heartbeat for a moment, letting the rhythmic sound sooth me. I pulled away after a few minutes, looking at the clock on the wall. I hissed, realizing I would probably be late to work, or at least, later than I would have liked. 

“I have to go to work,” I told him regretfully, and even though I wished I could have stayed at home all day curled up with Brian, I rushed to grab my things. “I’m sorry, babe,” I apologized, seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

“Well, I guess you’re job is more important than me,” He teased, pulling me in for a kiss before I bolted out the front door and off to work. 

I got to the shop just as my coworkers were, sparking questions as to why I wasn’t here before them why I usually was. “My roommate was sick, and I had to make sure she would be okay by herself for today before I left,” I explained to them, which seemed to satisfy their curiosity enough to not spark any more questions. 

The day was rather monotonous, and it went by slowly since I didn’t have many clients to work on. I spent most of my time working on my own drawings, desperate to pass the time. I hummed as I started sketching the same image that was my phones home screen. I hadn’t had time to think about it since I got up this morning, but I remembered that it was from a trip to Coney Island just last month. I wondered how I could have forgotten about it, but with how hectic my life has been recently, I really wasn’t surprised. 

Time seemed to pass faster as I kept myself busy between sketching and tattooing, and before I knew it, the end of my shift rolled around. I finished up the tattoo I was working on and cleaned it up, watching as the client marveled at their new ink in the mirror beside me. 

After they had paid me and gone on their way, and after I had cleaned my station, I gathered my things and waved goodbye to my fellow artists. I made my way through the bitter cold to the bus stop. I had to take a cab to work this morning since my car decided it didn’t want to start, and I didn’t have enough money for another taxi home. I rummaged through my purse for some change for the bus, so intent on finding money that I didn’t hear the car pull up in front of me. I looked up and watched as the window rolled down, revealing Brian inside.

“I saw you didn’t take your car this morning, so I figured you’d want a ride home. Hop in,” He gestured for me to get in, which I did without hesitation.

“Thanks babe,” I hissed through chattering teeth. I wrapped my arms around myself to try and get myself warmer. Brian cranked the heater, clearly worried about how badly I was shaking. 

We pulled into my driveway a few minutes later, getting out of the car and hurrying inside as snow started to fall. I frowned at it from the window, almost jumping when Brian wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, pulling me close and burying his face in my neck. I chuckled softly as his scruff brushed against my skin, and I felt him smile against my neck.

“Why don’t we go upstairs and warm up?” He suggested with just a hint of a smirk. I watched him for a moment, grabbing his hand and tugging him up the stairs. We stumbled into my room, slamming the door behind us before collapsing onto the bed, lips locked together. Brian tugged at my shirt impatiently, almost ripping it as he pulled it over my head, his own shirt and pants quickly following it. I sucked in air as his hands danced across the waistband of my jeans, fiddling with the button. He watched me with intense eyes, skillfully undoing them and tugging them off of me, recycling them to the floor, leaving me in just my bra and panties. I realized he was even more exposed than I was, but I had never been seen in my underwear by anyone besides Alex, and the fact that this man straddled me, his eyes grazing over my body with animalistic hunger only made my cheeks flush more. 

Our lips crashed together again, Brian’s hands brushing against my skin, slowly exploring my body. One hand rested on my thigh as the other reached behind me and worked on unhooking my bra. It took several tries, which secretly humored me, before he finally unlatched the hooks and managed to get it on the floor. He pulled away from me, his lips moving from my own lips, down my neck, across my breasts and down my stomach, stopping right above the edge of my panties. My breath came in short gasps, watching as he tugged them down my legs with his teeth, leaving me completely exposed. 

Brian looked at me, seemingly questioning if I wanted to go farther, and as I thought about it more, I wasn’t entirely sure. Of course at some point I would want to, but was I ready? I knew if I wasn’t completely sure about it, I should wait, and I explained that to him. Of course he was disappointed, but he understood, laying down behind me and pulled the covers up over our bodies. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my cheek sweetly before setting his head down on the pillow.

I shifted my body so I was closer to him, and I felt him let out a content breath. “I love you,” He said, his voice barely a whisper.

“I love you, too,” I breathed, watching the window fall silently outside the window.


	6. The Silence

When I woke up the next morning, Brian had his arm wrapped around my waist. I could feel his chest rise and fall softly against my back, his breath stirring my hair and tickling my face. I carefully turned over to look at him, savoring the sight of the rising sun lighting up the flecks of gray in his hair. His face was relaxed and a small grin danced across his lips, and it showed that whatever he was dreaming of, it was very pleasant. I checked the time and realized I should probably get ready to start the day, but when I tried to slip out of his arms, he let out a grunt of disapproval and tightened his grip around me. I couldn’t help but smile groggily at him, running my hand gently down his face before freeing myself of his grip and making my way to the bathroom. Once I shut the door behind me, I began to regret my decision to leave my bed. The cool air against my bare skin made me shiver, and even with the promise of a hot shower, I craved the warmth of my sheets. 

I stepped into the shower and sighed contently as the hot water slipped over my body, warming my chilled skin. I tilted my head back and let the water soak my hair, leaving it plastered to my head. I ran my fingers through it, combing out the knots before grabbing for the shampoo. Once I had rinsed all of the shampoo and conditioner out, and had thoroughly scrubbed myself clean, I shut the water off, with more than a little regret, and stepped out of the shower. I grabbed a separate, smaller towel for my hair, and returned to my bedroom, seeing that Brian was just waking up. 

“Rise and shine, babe,” I greeted, heading over to my dresser to search for clothes. 

“G’mornin’,” He breathed, sitting up and covering his eyes from the now harsh sunlight that filtered through the window. 

“I assume you slept well?” I asked, feeling his gaze rest on me as I dropped my towel to get dressed. I felt my skin heat up as he watched me, a sudden sense of self-consciousness as his eyes devoured every part of me.

He took a moment to respond, grinning as he did so. “I would’ve slept better had you stayed in bed,” He complained, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he did so.

“Sorry, babe,” I started, sifting through my drawers to find the pants I was looking for. I was sure they were clean, I remembered putting them away just yesterday. I mumbled darkly to myself, cursing my disappearing pants as I went to my closet to see if I had misplaced them. I turned back to see Brian giggling as he held something behind his back, and assuming it was my pants, I stormed over and stood in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest. I tried to look angry, but it’s kind of difficult to pull off that façade when you’re in standing in leopard print panties.

“Hand ‘em over,” I said, holding one hand out in front of me. He tried to act confused, asking what I was talking about. “My pants,” I told him, narrowing my eyes in mock frustration as he continued to play dumb. 

“What pants?” He asked, raising his eyebrows to emphasize that he had no clue what I was talking about.

I groaned, tossing myself onto the bed to try and grab them from behind his back. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me toward him, flipping over and pinning me onto the bed. 

“What’s the magic word?” He asked, dangling my pants in front of my face as he straddled me.

Oh come on, I’m going to be late! I thought, trying to wriggle out from underneath him. “Please?” I asked sweetly, giving him the same puppy dog look that he would always give me. He chuckled, handing me my pants and planting a kiss on my forehead.

“Now hurry up, I’ll drive you to work,” He said, already getting up to put his clothes back on. I smiled stupidly, watching as he stumbled around trying to put his jeans on, only to crack up as he fell flat on his ass with an audible oof!

“Are you okay?” I gasped between fits of laughter, doubling over and grabbing at my stomach as I started to calm down. He looked up at me like a pet you accidentally kicked, and I suddenly felt a little bad for laughing at him. I knelt beside him, resting my hand on his shoulder and looking carefully at him. “You’re not too hurt, are you?” I asked softly, knitting my eyebrows together in concern.

“I’m fine, babe,” He smiled, kissing my nose as he got up and finished dressing. I followed him out the door as soon as I had gotten my clothes on, jogging down the stairs behind him. He stopped suddenly a few steps from the bottom, startling me. I tripped on my foot and fell into him, grabbing onto his shoulders for balance. This seemed to be his goal as he reached behind and grabbed my legs, wrapping them around his waist as he hopped down the last few steps, dancing erratically into the kitchen and setting me down on the island.

“What will my fine lady be having for breakfast?” He asked loudly, more than likely forgetting that it was still fairly early and other people in the houses near us probably wanted to sleep. Despite that, I giggled, watching him prepare what he considered a “fine meal”, consisting of cereal, fruit, and a muffin. Though it wasn’t much, the gesture was sweet and I loved him even more for it. He made a similar breakfast for himself and sat down at the island next to me, tearing a piece off of his muffin and tossing it into his mouth. 

“Are you going to stop in while I’m at work today?” I asked, setting my dishes in the sink before turning to look back at him. 

He nodded vigorously, and through a mouth full of food, said: “Of course, I’ll bring lunch.” He nearly choked while speaking, and I warned him not to talk with his mouth full.

“That’s your second accident this morning, and it’s not even noon!” I joked, walking back to the island and rubbing his back as he went into a coughing fit. “Are you gonna survive?” I asked, eyeing him cautiously. He nodded, rubbing his throat as he sat upright again.

We finished breakfast and made our way outside to Brian’s car. There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground, casting everything in a silvery light. I smiled as I looked around, enjoying the winter wonderland feel before I got into the car. Brian got in a moment later, starting the car and cranking the heat. I began to thaw out from my few minutes in the snow, content with just enjoying it from the warmth of the car. 

Brian drove slowly down the roads, which still haven’t been cleared of last night’s snowfall. We listened to the radio, which was reporting the numerous crashes that had occurred all over the state. I had a terrible fear of being hit while driving, and though I was more at ease behind the wheel during the other three seasons, winter was an entirely different beast. 

The snow was starting to grow thick, and we could barely see what was in front of us. I grabbed Brian’s arm, digging my nails into his heavy coat. “Be careful, okay?” I asked, my voice scared and timid. He nodded, not taking his eyes off of the road as he continued to drive the car through snow and ice. I had no idea where we were, I had no idea how close we were to the tattoo shop, and I wasn’t even sure if we would make it in time. 

I bit my lip nervously, watching the world around us with wide eyes, searching for some sort of landmark to tell me where we were.

I don’t remember the truck coming toward us, I don’t even remember hearing it’s tires screech on the ice as it desperately tried to stop. I remember the earsplitting crash of metal on metal, the pain that screamed through my side, and the feeling of glass cutting across my skin. I remember screaming for Brian, reaching out for him, desperately trying to see if he was okay. I remember the noise. I remember the silence. 

I opened my eyes, though the moment I did, I wanted to shut them again. I looked around me, what had happened? Someone crashed into us, and we were still in the car. I could hear the sirens all around us, though they felt miles away, lost in the snow like we were. I felt the snowflakes kiss against my skin and tickle my cheeks. I saw Brian, laying on his side, cradling his head. He didn’t seem too hurt, except that his nose was now a waterfall of blood. I couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not, but I was slightly relieved to know that he was okay, but was I? My whole body was numb. I tried to wiggle my fingers, but my body refused to obey, and as I fought to stay awake, I slipped closer and closer into the silence. 

It was dark.

I was cold.

I was alone.

I remember Brian.


	7. Darling, Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the delay. Things and stuff happened and I didn't have the motivation to do anything. Here's another chapter to make up for it.

I lay silently, unsure as to whether I was dead or alive. I could faintly hear the beep of hospital equipment in my light slumber, grounding me to the real world, reassuring me that I was still alive, still breathing. Every so often someone, or sometimes a group of people, would come and take care of me, check up on me, or talk to me as if I could talk back. I faintly heard the voices through the black water that was inside my head, drowning me inside my own mind. I ached to reach out to those who came to see me, but I could feel that my body was no longer under my control, and despite the innumerable amount of times I’ve tried to take it back into my command, I could never tame it. I wanted to scream but I had no voice, I wanted to cry but I had no eyes to cry from, I wanted to live, but I had no body.

Where was Brian? Was he here with me now? Did he even survive the crash? I thought of him, laying there on broken glass, his life slowly leaving his body. Was that what was happening to me right now? Was I laying here, just fading away? I wanted to cry again, but I couldn’t, and so I floated in this silent abyss, letting the pain wash over me, reminding me that I’m alive. 

*Brians POV*

I watched her motionless body, the only signs she was alive the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the faint beeping of the heart monitor. I struggled to take in a breath, barely able to force myself to look at her. She seemed so helpless, so weak, so unlike the girl I fell in love with. I choked out a sob, guilt washing over me like a rising tide. 

“Oh Addie,” I hiccupped, brushing away the tears that danced around the edges of my eyes, “How could I let this happen to you?” 

I felt a deep, agonizing pain buried inside my chest, stealing my breath and thought from me, leaving my body shaking and my soul torn into pieces. I pushed my hand through my hair, finally letting go of the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding go in a shuttering sigh. I felt guilty, depressed, and more than anything, I felt hopeless. 

“How you holding up?” I heard Sal ask, edging in through the door so quietly I could make myself believe he wasn’t even there, only to realize he was as he rested his hand on my shoulder. 

“Not too good,” I admitted, choking back a sob. I couldn’t stop replaying the moment over and over in my head. I remembered waking up to see her, slumped over and bloody, broken and bruised. Her face was covered in gashes from where the glass cut her, now covered in white bandages stained with red. 

Joe and Murr shuffled into the room, standing beside Sal and looking down at me, looking sullen and defeated. “Come on, bud,” Joe sighed, tugging me up by my shoulder, “Visiting hours are over.”

I nodded and pulled away from Joe, promising them I would be out in a minute. I stepped toward the bed, leaning over and planting a kiss on Addie’s forehead, careful not to brush against the cuts. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” I promised her, pulling away to glance at her face one last time before leaving. “I love you,” I breathed, forcing myself out of the doorway and down the hall, putting more and more distance between me and her.

*Addie’s POV*

I listened as the voices spoke softly to each other, sounding pained and sorrowful. It pained me to listen to them, knowing I was the source of their pain. I felt guilty, but what for? I knew I didn’t cause the accident, and I knew it wasn’t my fault that I slipped away from them. I desperately wanted to reach out for them, to try and ease their pain, but my limbs are numb and my mind felt disconnected from my body.

I wanted to sob as the voices grew quiet and left, aching for their distant but loving company. ‘Come back!’ I begged, only to be answered by silence. They were gone, and I was alone, floating in the void of my own consciousness.

*Brian’s POV* 

Three weeks went by since the accident that left Addie unresponsive in a hospital bed, and the days crawled by slower than I thought possible. There was a deep, constant aching in my chest that refused to leave, plaguing me like the thoughts that kept me up at night. Thoughts of guilt and sorrow, of desperation and loss, leaving me sobbing into my sheets and speaking to an absent presence that felt so real to me. 

Filming for the show had started up again, but I had no desire to joke with the guys. I knew they were making an attempt to help me forget about the accident, but it was the only thing on my mind, and I couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t. I faked happiness as long as we were shooting, but it was painful and hollow, and the jokes meant nothing to me. We finished shooting for the day, and the guys were laughing and sharing stories with each other. I listened, but didn’t speak much, hoping that if I seemed like I was at least partially paying attention, they would leave me alone.

“Brian,” I barely heard Joe say, “We’re not going to make you stay if you don’t want to. Go be with her,” He said, and it was clear that the other guys were thinking the same thing. 

“Thanks,” I mumbled, getting up to leave the bar when a group of shouting fans ran up, phones in hands with bright, enthusiastic smiles. 

‘Not now, please don’t make me do this now…’ I thought reluctantly, forcing a smile as they ran over to me and asked for pictures. I was hesitant, wondering if I could even keep a smile plastered on my face long enough to take photos. But after they were done taking pictures, it warmed my heart a little to see the gratitude in their eyes as they walked away. I was happy that I had done that, knowing I had made someone’s day.

I left the bar and made my way to the hospital, signing in and taking the elevator up to the seventh floor, getting out and walking down the hall to Addie’s room. I wanted to knock, knowing it would make me feel normal, but I knew just as well that I would feel stupid doing it, so I decided against it and just walked in.

“Didn’t you ever learn to knock?”


	8. It's Lust, My Dear

I looked over to the door as Brian walked in, looking nothing short of dismal. I was groggy and sore, and my mind was whirling as I sat upright to get a better look at him. He looked even scragglier than before and it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which I figured he hasn’t. There was the remnants of a bruise covering his nose and under his eyes, and a healing cut that zig-zagged across his nose. I frowned at the memory of blood that coated his face, blinking away the image.

“Didn’t you ever learn to knock?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and weakly grinning. I could see the shock in his wide eyes, disbelief making his face go pale.

“Y-you’re….you’re okay?” He asked, appearing next to me faster than I thought he could ever move.

I laughed again, “About okay as I can be right now,” I told him, gesturing to most of the right side of my face, which was now cleaned and stitched up. “The doctor says I can go home soon,” I added gleefully, watching tears form around the edges of his eyes, slipping down his cheeks and onto the sheet below.

“What are you crying for, I was only sleeping,” I teased, happy to finally be able to tease him again. He gave a weak laugh, holding onto my hand tightly, as if I was going to slip away again. 

“You were out for almost a month,” He said, his voice wavering as more tears found their way onto his cheeks.

“Well,” I breathed, looking down at our hands, “I’m awake now.”

**

Another week went by before I was finally able to go home, and with the help of Brian, I arrived safely just past noon. I looked up at my house for a moment, feeling awkward and clueless. I knew it was my house, but I barely recognized it as my own. It seemed like it was that of a stranger, with their own family and story. I pushed aside these thoughts and allowed Brian to lead me inside, demanding I sit on the couch and relax.

I heard a loud thudding noise, like an elephant running around the upstairs of my house. “Addie, Addie, is that you?” I heard Alex call, and soon saw her bolting downstairs and halting before me. Her hands were raised in the air in glee, her eyes wide and a grin spreading across her face. I forced myself up and threw my arms around her, a cast that encased my right forearm bumping against her back.

“Hey there, doll face,” I greeted, wiggling out of the embrace to take a seat back on the couch. She sat down next to me and looked me up and down, relief relaxing the muscles in her body.

She wriggled in excitement, reaching for my left hand to grab. “I’m so glad you’re okay, it was so quiet here without you,” She rambled, carrying on about school and rumors, just like she did before the accident, and just like before it, I sat and listened with an interest only I could muster. 

We sat and talked like this for hours, Brian sitting on the edge of the couch, his arms draped loosely around me from behind. I heard a knock on the door, and not even a minute later, Joe, Sal, and Murr made their way in, shutting the door behind them.

“Yeah, come in,” I said smartly, narrowing my eyes and sticking my tongue out at them. I was about to say something when I was tackled by the guys, and though gently, it sent a wave of pain through my body. I groaned, chuckling as I wrapped my arms around them as best I could. 

“We’re so glad you’re okay,” Murr told me, pulling away to look at me, the other two quickly doing the same. I felt a little self-conscious, turning to hide the right half of my face, which was still covered with stitched up cuts.

“Thanks,” I told them, looking around at all three of them. Their eyes were bright and filled with compassion, compassion for me. I felt loved and cared for, something I had never felt before. I looked at Sal, who had his arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t said anything yet, and in fact, I don’t even think he was looking at me. His eyes seemed to rest on Brian, narrowed and dark, something flickering just beneath the surface, like a silent predator waiting to strike. Joe must have noticed it, too, because he nudged Sal with his elbow, narrowing his eyes as if speaking on some subvocal level, a hushed warning. Murr continued to chatter on, apparently not even noticing the silent drama that was occurring next to him. 

“So, how are you holding up?” Sal asked, finally speaking up. 

I stumbled, flustered at his sudden, very intent, attention. His eyes were trained on me, never leaving mine. “I’m okay, but I’m still in a lot of pain,” I managed, biting at my lip, my telltale sign of anxiety. Alex picked up on this, and rested a hand on my shoulder. I turned and tensed my jaw, flicking my eyes over to Sal so quickly that if Alex and I hadn’t been communicating like this for years, she wouldn’t have picked it up. She nodded, turning to the guys and standing up.

“Sorry guys, party’s over. Like the lady said, she’s still in a lot of pain now. She needs her rest,” Alex announced, starting to hustle the guys out the door. Brian stepped around her and slipped over to me, kneeling down and kissing my mostly undamaged left cheek. 

“I’ll check up on you tomorrow, okay babe?” He assured me, watching me closely as I nodded. He kissed me once more and stood up, turning and walking through the front door, waving once more as he left. 

Alex came back to the couch and sat down, turning to face me with a confused look. “What was that about?” She asked, crossing her legs, preparing for drama.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, shuddering as I remembered how Sal had looked at me. There was such hunger in his eyes, and even though he was no longer here, he still terrified me. 

“What if he wants you? Y’know, like wants, wants you?” Alex asked, her eyes growing bright at the thought of an all famous love triangle. I waved her off, knowing the thought was ridiculous, yet quite possible. 

“He was probably just trying to scare me,” I bluffed, knowing full well that that was not a joke. 

The lust, the desire, it was real, and I was afraid Sal would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. To get me.


	9. The Man I Thought Was A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: WARNING: This chapter gets violent and very dark, so if forced sexual advances or assault is triggering to you, please, for your sake, skip this chapter. You will miss out on some details, but those can be summed up in another chapter. Again, if forced sexual advances or assault is triggering or brings up some sort of bad memory that you want to avoid, please DO NOT read this chapter.)

In the past few months, I have felt more terror than I have in my entire life. Right before the accident, as Sal watched me with those eagle eyes, memorizing my every move, eating it up like a starving animal, and right now, as Sal towered over all of my 5’4” form, casting me entirely in his shadow. I watched his eyes, noting how his personality had changed from silly and charming to menacing and sly, knowing that even as he slit his hands over my shaking shoulders, along my hips, I wouldn’t say a word. He knew that even when he pressed his lips forcefully to my own and slipped his tongue inside my mouth, I would do as he said, too afraid to say no. I kept my eyes wide open, refusing to give him the pleasure of showing my fear, but he did know, I could’ve sworn he could smell it rolling off of me in waves. I started to shake as he skillfully undressed me, tracing my tattoos with long, nimble fingers that slid slowly and unyieldingly to the top of my underwear, pulling away from my lips to watch my horror. I shook my head, but he continued, I tried to push him off, but he only pressed against me harder, making me wince. ‘Oh, Brian, I’m so sorry…’ 

A sob caught in my throat as I sat up, grabbing at my throat with my uncasted hand. Tears ran down my face in streams, and sweat sat in beads on my forehead. The same nightmare had been plaguing me for a week, ever since I got home from the hospital, ever since I saw that look Sal gave Brian. That look of pure hatred, of jealousy, of want. I had tried to get it out of my head, tried to pass it off as a crude joke toward Brian, but I knew better than that, I knew it was real, pure, raw emotion, true to Sal’s real self. Was he always like this, or was it something Brian had done? I wanted to ask, desperate to know, but I’m sure Brian would have no clue, as he had been completely oblivious to the look Sal had given him. If Brian had somehow managed to catch a glimpse of the purely evil stare Sal had given him, wouldn’t he just pass it off as a joke? I knew he would, but there was one person who knew what Sal meant with that look, someone who would tell me.

Joe. I had to call Joe, but how would I get his phone number? Brian had never given it to me, and I had never bothered to ask. I grunted in frustration, throwing my covers off of my still shaking body and crawled out of bed. 

‘Morning babe, hope you have a good day today. I’m sorry you can’t work, but I’ll stop by later to keep you company after we get done shooting. Love you-B’ 

I read the text, then read it again, my heart warming and my muscles relaxing as I thought about Brian’s reassuring arms draped around my shoulders, hearing him whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

‘Hey, B, I can’t wait to see you, have fun today, but not too much fun w/out me! C; Also, I need to get ahold of Joe, I’ve got a question for him. Later, babe-A’

I quickly typed out the message and tapped send, heading into the bathroom to shower. I could tell by the still foggy mirror that Alex had just gotten out, and I knew she would probably be leaving soon, leaving me alone for most of the day. I grabbed fresh clothes and a towel, being sure to pick up something to cover my cast with as I showered on the way back to the bathroom. I would normally get dressed in my bedroom after getting out of the shower, but I didn’t want Alex to see the ugly cuts that were now beginning to heal covering my body. I turned the shower on and frowned as I stripped off my clothes, looking over what the car accident left me with. I sighed, trying to accept it, but recognizing the pain that pulsed in my chest. I was lucky that I survived, and that’s all that matters. I kept telling myself this as I showered, hearing the double knock at the door, telling me that Alex was now leaving. I groaned obnoxiously, realizing that I was totally alone until Brian got here.

I jumped out of the shower and got dressed, stumbling around the bathroom as I struggled to pull my pants on, falling once or twice in the process. ‘Fuck, balls, shit,’ I cursed, banging my head and stubbing my toe while trying to pull my leggings over my still wet feet, finally managing to get them on. I finished getting dressed and tossed the bathroom door open, taking in the silence that filled the house. It was calm, and frankly, very relaxing not having anything to do all day, the most stressful thing being deciding which movie to watch next. I walked into my bedroom, picking my phone up off of my bed and reading the text from Brian.

‘Course, babe, I’ll send it to you, but don’t go running away with him and leaving me in the dust. ;P’ 

I chuckled, quickly tapping in the number that Brian gave me and texting Joe. I sent him a simple ‘Hey’ and waited anxiously for a response, though after a while, I figured they were already shooting and hoped he would text me back.

I sat on the couch for what turned out to be over an hour, watching old reruns of different shows. I cursed, knowing that I had to do at least one productive thing today, but not sure what to do. Most of what I wanted to do was pretty much out of the question because of the cast on my arm, which pretty much left cleaning. I cursed louder, absolutely hating everything that had any slight relation to cleaning, but I sucked it up, trudging upstairs to grab my basket of dirty clothes and taking it downstairs into the basement to put in the washing machine, mumbling to myself the whole time. I tossed in all of the darks, leaving lighter and white clothes in different piles to do later. 

It took forever, but once the laundry was done, folded, and put away, I vacuumed the entire house and mopped the kitchen floor, nearly slipping once or twice, but managing to stay completely upright. 

Cleaning must have taken my mind off of the emptiness of the house and left me in a cleansing trance that I didn’t notice the time until I was forced back to reality by a knock on the door. ‘I was cleaning for three hours?’ I thought, amazed at how fast time went by when I was getting things done. I answered the door, expecting to see Brian’s bright, kiddish smile, but instead, it was Sal’s dark, anxious stare that greeted me.

“Uh, hey,” I said quietly, biting my lip in an attempt to fight off my growing anxiety, though it swelled in my gut, making my stomach toss and turn like a fish on land. 

“Hi, uh..” He fumbled, seeming to massage a knot in the back of his neck, “Can we talk?” He asked, taking a step forward so I had to tilt my head back to look at him.

I wasn’t sure what to do, he was nearly in my house at this point, and could easily overpower me, but there was still enough room for me to close the door in his face, maybe even hitting him in the process. “I guess,” I shrugged, trying to hide my fear. He stepped in, making a point to brush against me as he did so. I shut the door, turning to look at him, jumping as he walked forward and grabbed my shoulders gently.

“Can I get something off my chest?” He asked innocently, his eyes wide and terrified, his bottom lip shaking. I nodded anxiously, having a terrible feeling that I knew what he was going to say. “I, uh, I really like you, Addie. More than I think I probably should,” He admitted, biting down on his lip so hard I could see blood start to form where his teeth were. I frowned, watching as tears grew at the edges of his eyes, “I know I shouldn’t, and I know you love Brian, but I can’t help it, Addie, I just can’t help it!” He said, his voice growing louder and more frantic, and as his face grew closer to mine, I could smell just the slightest hint of alcohol on his breath. He wasn’t completely drunk, but tipsy enough to blur his judgement, which was evident in his actions. 

“Sal, you should probably go,” I said, trying to be as gentle as possible, scared to hurt him and damage our friendship. 

He nodded sadly, looking down at his hands on my shoulders, slowly letting them slide down my arms, sending a shiver down my spine of what I wasn’t sure was terror or pleasure. “I know,” He said softly, looking back at me. “I’m sorry, Addie,” He added, and though he should be stepping away, his grip on my only grew tighter. I was so confused, why wasn’t he leaving? I was about to ask him to leave again when I was cut off by his lips slamming against mine, working frantically, his hands desperately running over my body, tugging impatiently at my clothes. I wanted to push away, but I felt trapped, my hands hanging down at my sides like lead. Why wouldn’t my body listen to me? Why wouldn’t I fight back? I grunted, trying to wriggle out from beneath Sal’s weight, but what I meant as a grunt of disapproval, Sal must have taken as a sound of pleasure as he ripped off my shirt, his lips making their way down to my neck, quickly working at the spot just below my jaw. His hands moved up to cup my breasts, grinding his hips against mine. 

“Sal, stop,” I hissed, trying to tug away. Tears started to fall down my cheeks, but he kept going, either not hearing me or not caring. “I said stop, you fucker!” I howled, somehow finding the strength in my small, broken body to push him away, leaving him puzzled and angry.

“But I thought you liked it, you little slut,” he growled, his voice growing low and dangerous. He started to edge forward, raising his fist and slamming it into the right side of my face, then hitting me again with his other hand. The blows came quickly, one after another, and soon he had me on my side, kicking my stomach, my ribs, my head, an unending assault by a man I once thought of as a friend. 

“Please, just stop!” I shrieked, covering my head with my arms, shaking in fear as I anticipated the next blow, but it never came. I cautiously lowered my arms to see Sal kneeling beside me, heavy sobs making his shoulders shake and his voice crack.

“A-Addie, I’m so, so sorry,” He croaked, looking at me pitifully as I crawled away from him. “Please, please understand,” He begged.

“How dare you,” I hissed, “How dare you come in here, assault me, and then ask for my forgiveness!” I howled, managing to get on my feet and look down at him. “Sal, maybe someday I can forgive you, but right now, I suggest you get the fuck out of my house,” I demanded, trying to keep the horror from my voice. He nodded urgently, leaping out the door before I could say another word.

I dropped to my knees and closed my eyes. I wanted to cry, but I felt so numb, so horrified, so wronged, my voice long gone. I stayed like this for a while before I heard another knock at the door, making me jump. I quickly pulled my shirt on, opening the door with a shaking hand. There stood Joe, Murr, and Brian, each wearing a worried expression on their faces. I sighed and gestured for them to come in, shutting the door behind them.

After explaining everything to them, I was left sitting on the couch, finding my feet particularly interesting at the moment.

“That son of a bitch!” Brian shouted, jumping off the couch to pace around the room. Murr gritted his teeth, presently cleaning off the blood that had dried on my face to reveal several torn stitches and multiple new cuts and bruises. Only when I went to sigh did I notice how difficult it was to breath, each inhale seeming to bring in too little oxygen, and each exhale sending a wave of agony down my side. I whimpered, rubbing my side as if to tell Murr something was wrong. He shot me a worried look before tentatively pulling my shirt up just enough to see my bruised, probably broken ribs. Brian turned just in time to see them, and I could clearly hear his breath catch in his throat.

“Oh, Addie,” He gasped, rushing over to inspect the damage. I frowned, seeing the terror on his face as he brushed his fingers against my ribs, feeling the clearly broken bones. I choked back a sob of pain and sadness, burying my face in Brian’s neck, letting the tears flow freely. 

“Why me, Brian? Why would he do this to me?” I asked, but I knew no one had the answer, and so the question hung in the silence for a minute before Joe set his hand on my shoulder, dark shadows dancing across his eyes. 

“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” He asked, regret filling his voice. I nodded, and I could clearly see the guilt in his face. “He’s always loved you, Addie, ever since that day in the supermarket,” Joe started, “He saw you and you could tell he was awestruck. He kept going on about how beautiful you are, and how he was going to make you his. When you started dating Q, he was so angry. I kept it between the two of us, because I didn’t want his love for you affecting his friendship with you or Q, but when you were in the hospital, he was there every day, just waiting for you to wake up. He planned to steal you away, I guess, but after you came back from the hospital and he saw that you still loved Q, even after he ‘caused the accident,’ as he put it, he was so angry, he kept saying that if he couldn’t have you, no one could. Addie, dear, I’m worried about what he might do, he’s always been a drastic man, and I’m afraid this time is no different,” Joe finished, his grip on me growing tighter. 

“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” I breathed, looking around at the three guys. They quickly offered to stay the night, and I gratefully accepted their offer, allowing Murr to finish washing the blood off of me, insisting he drive me to the hospital. Again, I agreed, and after some time, the doctor told me I had several broken ribs and a severe concussion, though he said there wasn’t much he could do besides giving me something for the pain and telling me to stay away from whoever did this to me. I ended up not needing my cuts restitched, but instead had the rest of them removed as my wounds were nearly healed.

As soon as we walked back into my house, Alex ran up and wrapped her arms around me, gently rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry, Addie. I can’t believe he did that to you,” She whispered, holding me close. I nodded, sobbing softly at her concern, feeling the gratitude for her friendship. 

“It’s okay, Alex,” I whispered, pulling away to look at her puffy eyes, and I knew she’d been crying. “It’s weird,” I started, shrugging my shoulders, “I know he regrets it, and I’m willing to forgive him, he just, I don’t know, needs to prove that he’ll change.”

The five of us stayed up late into the night, talking and laughing and watching movies, and as 3 am crept around, we all gradually retired to bed, and Brian and I slowly crawled into bed, his chest rising and falling against my back, his hands gently massaging my sore muscles.

“Good night, my love,” He whispered, soothing me into a deep slumber.


	10. Is He Worth Forgiveness?

A month has passed since the incident with Sal, where he forced himself on me, kissing me and touching me until I had the strength to push him off, attacking he only after I refused his advances. I still get nightmares about it sometimes, waking up in a cold sweat and unable to breath. I would start screaming and swatting at the air, only to be calmed by a teary eyed Brian, who had been staying at my house, just to make sure I was okay. Or at least, that's what he said. Personally, I think he just wanted to stay in my house, but hey, I'm not going to argue. He had brought his cats with him, and I was enjoying the company of the fur babies.

Today was my first day back at work since the car accident that left me comatose for almost a month, just getting my cast off a few nights ago. I grumbled as I rolled out of bed, running my hands through my hair, attempting to massage away a headache. Brian slept comfortably next to me, his eyes still tightly shut, mouth slightly agape, a quiet snore escaping his lips. I watched him for a minute, smiling and kissing his cheek as I stood up to go shower.

"Why are you up so early?" I heard Brian ask, propping himself up with his elbow.

I turned back and chuckled, "I've got work today, babe. Remember? I go back today since my arm's healed."

I heard Brian groan, rubbing his eye with the arm that wasn't propping him up. "Do you have to go?" He whined, giving me the puppy dog face I could almost never resist.

"Yeah, babe, I do," I told him, with more than a slight hint of regret in my voice. I pulled a towle from the closet in the hallway and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I walked across the room and cranked the water all the way up, tugging my clothes off and watching as steam filled up the bathroom. Stepping inside the shower, I flinched and realized I turned it up too high, and carefully dodged around the stream of water to avoid getting burned as I turned the hot water down. After adjusting the water, I stood under the water for less than five minutes before I heard a tap on the door. I thought it was Alex letting me know that she was heading out, but when I saw the door open through the fogged glass of the shower, I realized it was Brian that had walked in.

"Hey there baby doll," Brian called over the shower, pulling the door open and peeking in, "You got any room in there for me?"

I looked at him curiously, nodding as I stepped forward to allow more room for him behind me. He grinned stupidly and started pulling his clothes off, tossing them near mine and stepping in. I looked at him, inspecting his body as he started to rinse off. I grabbed the bodywash off of the small shower ledge and grabbed my scrubbie, only to have it taken away by Brian.

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching him as he took the bodywash and covered my scrubbie with it.

"I'm giving my lady a relaxing shower," He said, starting to gently scrub my body up and down. I winced as he started to wash over my ribs, which were still slightly bruised and for sure still broken. He gasped, dropping the scrubbie and grabbing my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" He asked, bending over and looking me in the eyes. I nodded, biting my lip as pain pulsed through my side.

I looked back at him, managing a reassuring smile and picking up the scrubbie. "Just a little sore still, that's all. Don't worry about it babe," I told him, starting to scrub him off.

We finished up in the shower and I walked back to my room to get dressed, Brian following behind me. I started searcher through my dresser, trying to find something to wear that wouldn't press against my ribs and cause me too much pain. I grinned in success as I found some leggings and a loose shirt to wear. Brian pulled some of his own clothes out of a separate dresser on the other side of the room, getting dressed and turning back to me.

"Do you want me to drive you to work?" He asked, walking over to the bed to pull his shoes out from beside the nightstand. I nodded gratefully, pulling on my shirt and grabbing my shoes. "Do you think we have time for breakfast?" He asked, but I only shrugged, checking the time.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so," I told him, "But we can get lunch or dinner later." I cast a regretful glance his way as he grunted with disappointment. He grabbed his keys and his wallet, wrapping his arm around me as we walked out through the front door. I stopped in my tracks, thinking that I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Was someone watching us? I wondered, checking again in the direction of the movement as I got into Brian's car, but there was no one over there.

"See something?" He asked, casting a side glance over to me as he drove down the rode. I shook my head, reassuring him that it was just an animal or someone walking out to get the newspaper.

We arrived at the tattoo shop without another problem and I hopped out of the car, waving a quick goodbye before unlocking the shop and stepping inside. I flicked the lights on and jumped in surprise as all of my coworkers jumped out, shouting and grinning and laughing. I shrieked in surprise, holding my chest to make sure my heart wouldn't leap out of my chest.

"Welcome back, Addie!" Teri shouted, running over and giving me a hug. I tried to surpress a wince, but my friend and coworker must have heard me because she pulled away almost instantly. "Something wrong, doll?" She asked, raising her eyebrows in concern and confusion. I wasn't sure whether I should tell her or not, but fearing that Sal would do something drastic again, I figured I should tell her.

"I, uh, had a run in with someone who I thought was a friend. He's interested in me, but I have a boyfriend, and so when he tried to kiss me ad touch me, and I pushed him away, he attacked me," I summed up, keeping my voice low so that none of my other coworkers would hear. "I'm okay, I promise," I finished, biting my lip and kneading my hands, showing my anxiety.

"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry," she whispered, tears forming at the edges of her eyes. "Would you like me to stop him if he comes in?" She whispered, worry forming wrinkles around her eyes.

I nodded, grimancing as I pulled up a photo of him. "Sal Vulcano is his name," I whispered, closing my eyes as I tried to swallow my anxiety. Her face grew serious as she nodded.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get to you," She promised, stepping away and smiling again. "But, come, we have a surprise for you," She giggled, pulling me over to my station, where a new machine was set up, painted with reds and blacks in a candy striped pattern.

"Oh my gosh, you didn't!" I gasped, covering my mouth with my hands. Tears welled up at the edges of my eyes. I was awed at their kindness, I couldn't believe they would do this for me!

"We also got you some new ink," Ben, another coworker of mine, spoke up as he pressed his hand into the small of my back. His smile was wide as he saw my happiness, and I knew this must have been his idea. I wrapped my arms around him, carefull to avoid having my ribs touched or brushed against.

I looked around at the people in the shop, my smile growing wider and wider as I saw the looks on their faces. "Thank you guys so much, I love you all," I whispered, trying not to start crying. I looked up at the front door as I heard the bell jingle, my heart stopping as I saw Sal's face, cut up and bruised.

"Addie..." He whispered, slowly stepping further into the shop. "Can we talk for a minute?" He asked, and I could hear the quivering in his voice. He was scared, but what for? I certainly was no threat, seeing that he was probably half a foot taller than me and at least 100 pounds heavier than me.

"What do you want, Sal?" I breathed, seeing Teri tense up out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh, Addie, please let me explain," He begged, taking another step closer. Everyone in the shop was watching him warily, sensing the anxiety that was radiating off of me. I thought about it for a moment, growing curious as to what he wanted to talk to about. I could just bring him right out front, knowing that the glass windows would allow my coworkers to see what was going on, as well as having the pedestrians outside to come to my defense.

"You have five minutes," I said sternly, walking away from the group and stepping outside, with Sal following close behind.

"I can explain everything, Addie," He started, clenching his jaw and looking me in the eyes. "I can't tell you how terrible I feel about what happened," He continued, his jaw starting to shake. "I was drunk, and jealous, and stupidly in love with you, but I'm working on it, I promise. I've been taking anger classes and I've stopped drinking," he rambled, the shake in his jaw now traveling down to his hands, and I could see the sweat beading on his forehead.

I stood there for a moment, my head aching as I pondered over what to do. I was always a forgiving person, but could I forgive Sal for what he did to me? I thought about it for several minutes, thinking about the friendship that Sal shared with the guys, and how I didn't want to break that up just because I wouldn't forgive him, but what if they didn't forgive him and I did? It felt like there was a raging battle inside my head.

"I will give you one last shot," I warned, holding up my index finger to emphasize my point. "Screw that up, and this friendship is over, do you understand?" I hissed, getting a nod in response. "I don't trust you, that's something you're going to have to fight for," I added, narrowing my eyes as I walked back into the shop, my muscles twitching in tension.

"You good, doll?" Teri asked, walking up to me as I stepped into the door. I nodded, smiling at her thoughtfulness.

"Yeah," I responded, checking my watch. Almost an hour had already passed since I walked in the door, and I hadn't even had a client yet. "What time does my first client come in at?" I asked Teri, watching as she went to check her book.

"I rescheduled some of your appointments to another day just so you don't haveto have too much to stress about," She mumbled, looking through the books for today. "Looks like your first guy comes in at 1:30," She added, setting the book down and glancing outside. Brian was standing outside, talking to Sal. Brian seemed to be irritated, but it was Sal that was doing the talking. Soon, Joe and Murr jumped out of another car and approached the other two.

"What's going on out there?" Ben asked, but I didn't have the slightest idea.

I carefully shuffled toward the door, stepping outside and tightly shutting the door behind me.

"Did she forgive you?" Brian asked softly, clearly not knowing that I had walked outside. Sal nodded, letting out a shakey sigh that could only be of relief. Brian frowned, and I could tell he was conflicted, clearly wanting to protect me from Sal, but wanting to restore the friendship he once had with Sal. Joe and Murr watched carefully, not letting their eyes stray from Sal.

"Don't worry Q," Joe said, still not taking his eyes away from Sal, "We'll keep an eye on him, and make sure he doesn't get too close to Addie."

Murr nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "And that he doesn't get any alone time with her," He added, and I was grateful for the addition, knowing that Sal would try to get me alone if he could.

Sal dropped his head, but he was clearly willing to follow the terms that the guys set in order to restore his friendships with us. I was still slightly hesitant of trusting Sal, but knowing that the other guys were on my side made me feel slightly more secure.

"Addie!" Brian called, slipping past the guys and rushing over to me. "I was just gonna bring you lunch," He continued, holding up a small paper bag with my name and a smiley face on it. I grinned, taking it from his hand and sitting down on the bench outside the shop, patting the seat next to me. Brian sat down and opened the second bag that he had brought with him.

I sat with Brian, looking out at the city, watching the sun shine on the city in front of us. It lit up the buildings, making them glow a beautiful gold. I took a bite of the sandwhich Brian packed, crossing my legs underneath me to get more comfortable.

The three other guys walked over and sat down on the bench with us, chatting casually, as if nothing had ever happened between us, and though I still felt awkward around Sal, I could feel things going back to the way they were before this incident.

I felt my heart swell with love for these guys, and though we had our rough patches, I wouldn't change this for the world.


	11. All The Things I Left Behind

I walked out of the tattoo shop, barely remembering when exactly I had walked in. I had worked at that job since I got out of college, and not one day went by where I just trudged through the day like it was some office work. I loved my job more than almost anything else in my life, but lately it’s been feeling more and more like a hassle than my lifelong passion. I slid into my car and jammed the key into the ignition, twisting it and jolting the car to life. I sat in silence for a moment, my hands gripping the steering wheel as if my life depended on it. I pressed my head against the wheel, breathing in the distinctive leather smell. I drove a 1960 Thunderbird, my first and only car that was gifted to me by my mother, who had gotten it from her mother. I smiled against the steering wheel, losing myself in the thoughts of my mother for a while, only parting with those thoughts when I heard a tap on the window. I looked up and glanced out the passenger window, seeing Sal leaning over to look inside. My teeth sunk into my lower lip as anxiety festered in my gut, and I fought with myself as I tried to decide whether I should let him in or not. Of course I had forgiven him, but that doesn’t mean that I was still going to trust him just like that, he had to earn my trust again.

Even though it had been a while since the initial incident, I still felt a wave of unease when he was around, like he was a time bomb waiting to go off, and I think he felt my uneasiness as well when he signaled for me to roll down the window. 

“Addie, I’m glad I ran into you,” He said, and I could tell that he was visibly shivering. It was April, but the air was still cold and sharp, snow replaced with rain, icy streets replaced by slick, wet ones. “My car broke down and I was wondering if you could give me a lift,” He continued, ignoring my irritation.

“Sorry, Sal, I really gotta get home,” I muttered, checking my mirrors as I put the car into reverse and started to pull out of my parking spot. Instead of letting go of the door like I thought he would, Sal continued to hold on, walking with the car as it moved. “You’re not giving up, are you?” I asked, defeat evident in my voice.

“Not at all,” Sal agreed, his eyes glittering in victory.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but I gestured for him to open the door. “Get in,” I groaned, tapping on the steering wheel as I waited for him to get in and buckle. My hair was standing on end at this point, every sense on high alert.

Once he was inside and buckled, I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the still wet street, following his instructions as he directed me to his house. It wasn’t long before I pulled into his driveway, putting the car in park as I waited for him to get out, but he stayed where he was, turning his head toward me to speak.

“Would you, uh….” He started, clearly at a loss for words. “I would like it if you came in so that we could talk. Maybe have some coffee,” He suggested, his voice quiet and hopeful.

I hesitated, not wanting to hurt the mending friendship between us, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t afraid of what Sal might be planning. 

He seemed to see my worry, and waved his arms to grab my attention again. “Don’t worry, the other guys are here, too,” He reassured me, not waiting for an answer as he stepped out of the car. I thought for a moment as he walked up the driveway and to his front door, turning around to see if I was following him. I groaned to myself, turning the car off and getting out, making my way up to his front door as I threw my purse over my shoulder. I reached in to put my keys inside, brushing my fingers over the cold metal that rested at the bottom of my bag. A little….insurance, if you would.

Sal unlocked the door and led me inside, greeted with several shouts from the guys. ‘So he was telling the truth…’. I noted, stepping inside and pulling the door shut behind me. The house was neat, and everything had its proper place. Leaving my shoes at the door, I walked farther into the living room, kneeling down in front of a large shelf housing records, CDs, and a record player. I looked through the records, smelling the dust lingering on the sleeves as I inspected the covers. Sal seemed to have everything from oldies like the Rolling Stones and Lynard Skynard to more recent bands like Green Day and Kid Rock. I was surprised as I pulled out a Papa Roach CD, flipping it over to read over the song list. It had some of my favorite songs on it, music that I would listen to when I was angry or depressed, and I fought the urge to stuff the CD in my purse. I chuckled as I thought about trying to shove his entire music collection into my car and take off before he noticed, my fit of giggles stopping as I felt someone lean over me.

“Something funny, doll?” Sal breathed, and I could just barely feel his stubble against my cheek. 

I stood up and stepped away, putting the CD back in its place. “Nothing at all,” I defended, which left him grinning arrogantly. About what, who knows, but the smile left a shiver of unease creeping up my spine. 

“You like this stuff?” He asked, gesturing to the shelf that held all of the music. I nodded, breaking the awkward stare to look over the music once more. 

“When I was a little girl,” I started, setting my purse down on the chair, my coat taking a place beside it, “My mom would take me on these trips down to this huge mall, it took an hour to get there and even longer to walk through. But driving down there was my favorite part. We would turn on the radio and pull back the roof on the Thunderbird, letting the wind blow through our hair as we sang along to the songs on the radio, whether we knew the song or not. And sometimes she would put CDs in, old stuff mostly, the kind of music she grew up listening to. We would take that trip at least once every summer, up until I left for college. It was hard living without her, cause she was my mom, but she was also my best friend, y’know? And she always wanted me to be a doctor or a scientist or something, but art was my passion, what I wanted to do with my life, and science is just a hobby which seems totally backwards, but when I went to art school down near Pittsburgh, she was kinda upset, but I could tell she was glad I was doing what I loved. And I would listen to all of those older bands and they would all remind me of her and those trips we took down to that mall,” I said, losing myself in my memories. As I thought of my mother, tears began to form around the edges of my eyes. I hastily wiped them away with my sleeve, determined to not let Sal see me crying. “I miss her, Sal,” I admitted, despair dripping from my voice. I dropped my head and let the tears fall, crumbling as the anguish overcame me like a powerful wave. 

As I knelt on the floor, a large hand gripped my shoulder, and I looked up to see Sal kneeling in front of me, true regret glittering in his eyes. “Oh, Addie, you wouldn’t believe how sorry I am,” He whispered, and I could see him tense up as I heard the other three guys walk into the room, and feel their eyes burning holes into my back. 

“Is something wrong?” Joe asked, and though he was worried, I could tell he was suspicious of how close Sal was. 

“It’s nothing,” I croaked, brushing away the tears and pushing myself off of the floor. I turned and walked over to Brian, wrapping my arms around his neck as I planted a kiss on his lips.

His large hands pressed into the small of my back, keeping me pressed against him. “Hey babe,” He grinned, looking down at me with those eyes, so dark that they swallowed all of the light that surrounded him. “How was work?” He asked, tilting his head in a way that reminded me of a confused puppy.

“It was good, but I’m glad it’s over so I can spend time with you,” I told him sweetly, kissing his cheek. I heard Murr and Joe pretend to gag, but Sal sat on in silence, his eyes narrowing in jealousy. I couldn’t help from feeling bad, because even after what Sal did to me, he was still a sweet guy, when he wasn’t drunk, and he deserved to be loved by someone. I sighed, falling back onto one of the black leather couches in front of the TV, resting my head against the back of it. I felt the cushions sink beside me as the guys crammed onto the couch next to me, where we spent hours talking and laughing until the sun went down and the stars glittered in the sky.

“Sorry to bail, guys, but I’ve gotta head home,” I told them, pushing up off of the couch and reaching for my things. I grabbed my purse and coat, and walked to the door where I had left my shoes. After I had shoved them on my feet, I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me up into the air.

“What?” I heard the voice ask, low and husky in my ear, “Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?” 

After finally being let down, I turned around to see Brian wearing that stupid smirk when he knew he would get what he wanted. Pretending to ponder for a moment, I saw confusion cross his face as the seconds passed. After a minute, I stood on my toes and kissed him, feeling his lips turn up in an even bigger smile. 

“I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow,” I called from just outside the door, closing it behind me and jogging to my car, eager to get out of the night time chill.

The drive home was short and quiet, with only the radio to keep me company. After pulling in to my driveway, I had realized how close Sal’s house actually was, and though it worried me a bit, I was glad that I had someone who lived nearby. I walked up to the house and fiddled with my keys for a moment, trying to find the right one for the front door, all while cursing my bad eyesight and cursing the lack of a porch light and cursing anything and everything else I could think of. 

Several attempts later, I found the key I was looking for and let myself inside to find that nearly all of the lights were off, except for what I could tell was Alex’s bedroom light, illuminating the upstairs hallway. 

Halfway up the stairs, I paused, thinking that I could hear soft moans from her bedroom. I shrugged and walked up the rest of the stairs and down the hall, pushing her door open.

“What the FUCK!” I shouted, frozen in place as I gaped at the two women in bed. I easily recognized Alex, but I had never seen the second girl in my entire life. 

Alex gasped and pulled the blanket to cover her chest, still straddling the stranger. “Shit, Addie, I didn’t know you were home!” She howled, throwing herself off of the girl and desperately searching for her clothes while trying to stay covered. 

“Well, here I am,” I mumbled, turning away and numbly shuffled to my room. 

‘Shit,’ I thought, rubbing my forehead. ‘It’s been a long fuckin’ day.’


	12. The Next Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'm so sorry that it took forever to update but school has been kicking my ass. Hopefully this makes up for it?

Shit yo. Shit. Shit. Shit, I thought over and over again, my ass planted firmly on the couch as I stared into the black tv screen. Had I just seen my roommate going down on another woman? I had, hadn't I? I'd never had thought Alex would do that. Not like I cared, really. I could hear awkward mumbling from upstairs, but I did my best to tune it out. I didn't want to know what they were talking about, not right now. 

I decided to text Brian, hopefully taking my mind off of the events that just burned themselves into my retinas. I reached out for my phone, swatting around frantically until I found it on the other end of the couch.

'Hey babe. Doing anything tonight?'

I sat and waited for Brian to text me back, only shifting as my stomach growled loudly, stirring me from my trance. I looked down at my gut, narrowing my eyes as it growled again. What did we have in the kitchen that didn't require cooking? I couldn't think of anything, so I pushed myself up from the couch and made my way into the kitchen. As I walked into the kitchen, my phone buzzed violently, the screen lighting up with Brian's text. 

'Only u, if u want. ;)'

I rolled my eyes, unlocking my screen and quickly tapping out a response. 

'Only if you get lucky, babe. C;'

I set my phone on the counter and swung open the pantry door, browsing over the shelves. Ah yeah, we still have thin mints. I snatched the box from the shelf and made my way back to the living room, only to run into Alex on the way. 

"Um..." She and I muttered at the same time, going to great lengths to avoid eye contact. I was studying the box of cookies, and she was finding her feet particularly interesting at the moment.

"So, about what you just saw," She started, chewing on her lip. 

I threw my hand up to stop her, shaking my head. "Let's just drop it," I shrugged, shuffling past her to get back to the living room. I fell back onto the couch and looked at my phone again. Brian hadn't texted me back, and I wondered why until I heard the screech of tires in my driveway. Only moments later, I heard erratic knocking on my door, seconds after the car had been turned off. 

"It's open!" I yelled, not willing to get up again to open the door. Brian burst through the door and threw himself onto the couch next to me. 

"Oh, cookies," He said under his breath, snatching a few from the box in my hands and began stuffing them in his mouth. I glanced at him, my lips turning up in a stupid smile as I watched him down the cookies. 

"Thanks, Brian. I went all the way into the kitchen to get these, and you just take them!" I groaned, shifting so I could look at his face. He had this dumb grin dancing across his lips as he continued to chomp at the cookies.

"No problem doll face," Brian winked, finishing his cookies so he could stroke my thigh. I groaned dramatically and laced my fingers through his own. He tugged on my hand and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist, burrying his head in my neck. His stubble tickled my skin and made me shudder, sucking in a small breath. I could feel his lips turn up in a smug grin against my neck.

"You smug bastard," I hissed, tangling my fingers through his hair. I watched as hints of gray glittered in the overhead light. God, he was so incredibly handsome, my heart thudded against my ribs as I continued to stare at him, my eyes taking in every inch of his body. I continued to fiddle with his hair as he kissed my neck, his tongue darting againt my skin. I gasped, my grip on his hair growing tigheter. 

I heard Alex say something, and I turned around to answer her, but Brian turned my head back towards him, his lips leaving my neck to press against my lips. He slid his tongue inside my mouth, his hands groped my breasts, tugging my shirt up to unclip my bra. Alex whistled from behind, but if Brian heard it, he didn't show, continuing to work at my chest. I moaned under my breath, trying to keep Alex from hearing, though I could just barely hear her whistle again as she walked up the stairs, leaving me home alone with Brian. 

To be honest, in the almost year we had been dating, I hadn't had sex with Brian yet. I wanted to, but there was something holding me back, keeping me from taking our relationship to the next level. Though we had never gotten that far, I wondered if maybe we would tonight, alone in the dim light of my living room, nothing but the soft chatter of my roommate and her lover as we made love. I thought it awkward to have sex while I was able to hear my roommates, so I pulled away to grab my phone, leaving Brian whimpering.

I opened my music and switched on one of my favorite songs, My Heart I Surrender by I Prevail. God, this song was so romantic and beautiful, and I couldn't think of a better song to make love to. I turned back and crashed my lips against Brians again, frantically tearing my shirt over my head and throwing it onto the floor beside us. I found it funny, remembering the first time Brian and I actually made out, a situation almost exactly like this. 

I pushed Brians shirt over his head, leaving his heaing chest bare against the warmth of the house. He tugged off my bra, which had been loosely hanging from my shoulders. It landed on the floor beside the coffee table. I shivered, not because I was cold, but because this was the first time Brian had ever seen me completely topless. I was growing extremely self conscious, but as he began kissing along my collarbone, the worries started to melt away. His hands nimbly worked at my my jeans button, undoing it and began pushing them down my legs. I adjusted myself so that I could pull them off, my panties soon following. I frowned for a moment, realizing that Brian was still mostly clothed. I pulled back for a second, pouting as I stared town at his pants. He must have caught the gist, and started erratically taking his pants off. He ripped off his boxers and grabbed my hips, lifting me up and laying me down on the couch. I stared at his bare chest as he straddled me, his lips trailing down every inch of my body. My breath caught in my throat as he began to work at my breasts, whispering soft words as he began to push himself inside of me. I gasped, feeling a sort of white hot pain near my gut. He stroked my hair as he continued to grind his hips, the pain inside me slowly easing away until my whimpers were replaced with gasps of pleasure. My eyes fluttered shut as my nails dug into his back, and I could feel the sweat begin to bead on his skin. I felt pressure build in my stomach, and I ached for relief, pressing my hips closer to his. He moved faster, his thrusts more erratic and demanding, and I knew he was just as close as I was. My moans grew louder, and I could hear him begin to moan as well, his hands traveling all over my body. I gasped loudly, arching my back as he and I came. 

I fell back onto the couch, panting softly, Brian leaning down to nuzzle against me. I smiled weakly, rolling over so Brian could lay down, letting me curl up against his naked, panting chest. He kissed the top of my head, pulling a blanket from the top of the couch and wrapping it around our bare bodies. 

"I love you," He whispered in my ear, his breath stirring my hair.

"I love you too, Brian," I mumbled, slowly drifting off to sleep.


	13. Opal and Starlight

Soft footsteps roused me from my sleep, forcing my eyes open to see a half dressed Brian making his way towards me, a plate of food in one hand. The smell of eggs and sausage made my stomach growl, and as I pushed up into a sitting position, I could see the mountain of food on the plate. My eyes grew wide, fluttering between Brian and the food, back and forth, back and forth. He stood there, stupid grin and all, gesturing towards the plate of food. I took this as a sign that I could eat, lunging towards it like a starving animal. After all, I hadn’t eating since lunch yesterday, and after all of the, uh, “exercise” last night, I was ravenous. 

“I’m glad you like it, babe,” Brian smirked, picking up the second fork and taking a few bites for himself. I was quickly growing full, and handed the plate off to him to finish. 

“Why did you make all this?” I asked, wondering what sort of occasion pushed him to do something so kind. It wasn’t our anniversary, was it? No, not even close. I thought hard, but my mind was grasping at straws, each guess just as useless as the last.

“Can’t a man make breakfast for his lovely girlfriend?” He asked, shrugging his shoulder as he got up to clean off the now empty plate. Though he had given a reason, a rather lousy one, at that, I remained puzzled, unsure of how to react to the sudden onset of generosity. Sure, Brian was always a sweetheart, and had taken me out to dinner plenty of times, but he had never actually made me a meal. I had always assumed he was a shitty cook, but his food was pretty impressive.

I got up, apparently not realizing that I was still totally naked, only noticing when Brian returned, looking me up and down with a sexy, yet amused, look. I scrambled for my clothes, tugging on my panties and bra, nearly tripping and falling as I pulled my pants back on. I searched for a few minutes, cursing as I couldn’t find my shirt.

“Babe, did you see my shirt?” I asked, groaning to myself. It just so happened to be my favorite shirt, too, all black with revolvers on the front, wings on the back, and “Rebel Sound” spelled out in eloquent text across the chest.

“You mean, uh, this one?” He asked, reaching behind him to pull out my shirt. I rushed over and grabbed for it, only to have it pulled away with an annoyingly cute giggle from Brian. I glared at him, knowing damn well that he was doing this just to get me riled up. I stood on my toes, cursing my small form. I was only 5’4”, and Brian towered over me at 5’10”. He clearly had a height advantage, and he knew it, so instead of jumping up and trying to get it like a fool, I walked around him, towards the kitchen. He seemed puzzled for a moment, only figuring out what I was doing when I turned around and ran, leaping onto his back. I howled, reaching over his shoulder to snatch my shirt out of his massive hands.

“No fair!” He called out, spinning around as I dropped down and pulled my shirt over my head before he could take it again. I smirked, walking out of the room without another word, Brian following me a moment later. 

I fell back onto the couch, groaning in satisfaction. I was so happy it was Sunday, I could take the day off and bum around the house all day. Well, I thought I was, but I guess Brian had other plans. 

“Hey babe, how about we go out today?” He asked me, falling back into the cushions next to me. 

“Oooorrrr,” I drawled, “We can stay home and be couch potatoes,” I suggested, looking over at him with a lazy grin.

“I don’t think so, baby doll. I’m going to treat you to one of the best evenings of your life,” He guaranteed, winking with a grin. I groaned, knowing there was no way I was getting out of this.

“Fine,” I surrendered, “Where to?” I had no idea what we would be doing tonight, and Brian was notorious for keeping plans a secret until they were actually happening, and clearly, as shown by his silence, this time was no different. 

We sat in a silence that wasn’t awkward, more comfortable and respectful, before Brian planted a kiss on my forehead. “I suggest you wear something nice,” He told me, standing up and pulling me with him. I looked at him, confusion clearly glittering in my eyes. “Just check your bedroom,” He hinted, turning and grabbing his car keys. “I’m heading home. I’ll pick you up around 7, okay?” He didn’t give me any time to respond, shutting the door just as he finished speaking. 

I stood in silence for a moment, contemplating whether I should go up and see what he had left in my room, or stay down in the living room and relax for a while. After several minutes of contemplating, my curiosity finally got the best of me, and I made my way up the stairs and toward my bedroom, careful not to wake Alex and her new girlfriend. 

I pushed my bedroom door open and eyed the beautiful scarlet bag that sat on my bed, a small card dangling from one of the handles. 

“Hey, love! Glad you decided to get off of your lovely ass and investigate! Left you a little present, and make sure to wear it when I pick you up tonight. All of it. ;) xoxo Q”

I peeked in the bag, pulling out a brilliantly red bra, with panties to match. I chuckled to myself, picking out the dress next. Of course, it matched the lingerie, with a black leather belt around the midsection. I huffed, Brian Quinn, how tacky, I thought, laying the entire outfit on my bed and taking it all in. The outfit was beautiful, but what was the occasion? I couldn’t think of anything besides a normal date, but would he really go through all of this trouble just for a date? We had been on plenty of dates before, and he had never done anything like this. I stood there and pondered it for a while, only roused from my thoughts by a still drowsy Alex pushing my door open all the way.

“What are you doing up so early?” She mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Brian left me this. He said to wear it on our date tonight,” I explained, furrowing my brow. “Sure, it’s nice and all, but why do this all for a simple date?” I asked, more to myself than to Alex, hoping that if I heard myself ask it, an answer would come to me.

“Oh my god!” Alex gasped, and as I spun around, she gripped my shoulders so hard I winced. “What if he’s going to propose?” She squealed, her eyes lighting up in an almost child like excitement. 

I scoffed, half of me brushing off the thought as a stupid guess, but another part of me, hopeful and swooning, held onto that guess, begging for it to be true. “We’ve only been dating, what? A year and a half?” I asked, shrugging. So much had happened in the past year, I had completely lost track.

“And people have married after dating for less time than that!” Alex continued, jumping up and down. I couldn’t hold back a laugh, and remembered back to my first date with Brian. She was more excited for me then, and even with the possibility of a proposal, she’s still more excited than me. I chuckled, shrugging off her hands and tangling my own through my hair. 

“I highly doubt it, my friend,” I huffed, picking up the bra and panties, along with plain old sweats and a shirt, making my way toward the bathroom. I wanted to shower now, so I could leave myself plenty of time to get all dolled up before the date. 

“It’s always a possibility, Pupe!” She called after me, leaving me grinning. She had always called me ‘pupe’, or, ‘doll.’ 

I cranked the hot water all the way up and stood beneath it for the better part of an hour. I normally wouldn’t take hot showers, but I felt like treating myself for a bit. I got out and pulled my clothes on, and as I walked down into the living room, clean and refreshed, Alex was saying goodbye to her girlfriend. For the first time, I got a decent look at her, with long brown hair that draped over her shoulders like a shawl. She had thick framed glasses that rested on her nose, her eyes blazing green behind the lenses. I had never gotten her name, but I gave her a polite wave as I grabbed my phone from the couch and looked at a text. I expected it to be from Brian, but the contact showed up as Joe. I unlocked my phone and looked at the message.

'U ready for tonite? :o)'

I tilted my head, not that different from what my dog used to do when he was confused, and double checked the message to make sure that it was really from Joe, and yep, it was.

'How do you know about tonight?'

I quickly tapped out the text as I walked out onto the back patio, stubbing my toe on the way. I sat down in one of the lawn chairs and took in the beautiful autumn air, the breeze caressing my skin, reminding me of Brian’s tentative fingers, careful and experienced all at the same time. I smiled as I thought about him, Joe’s text pulling me from my thoughts.

'We all helped Q plan it out, duh. ;o)'

Knowing that Brian had actually had his friends help him plan this whole evening out spiked my anxiety. What could he possibly be planning that required other opinions? He wasn’t actually going to propose, was he? Was I ready to get married? I thought about settling down with Brian, having a family, and though I liked the thought of it, I was scared to make that kind of commitment. Could I actually raise children? I still felt like a kid myself, I couldn’t imagine taking care of them.

I got up and paced around the yard, the dew that glittered on the grass soaking my feet. 

'What exactly did you guys plan??'

I quickly typed it out, staring at my screen as I waited for Joe to respond, my worries growing with each second.

'Sorry, hun. Can’t tell u, big secret. ;o)'

I hissed between gritted teeth, tempted to throw my phone across the yard, logic getting the better half of me.

'You can’t give me a hint? Surely you can tell me something. Even a hint as to what he’s planning?'

Joe took a moment to respond, but his answer was even more frustrating than the silence.

'Sorry, ur breaking up, gonna have to text u back. Later, hun, :o)'

“God damnit, Joe!” I growled, storming back inside and sat down at the kitchen island, grateful for the cup of hot chocolate that Alex quickly handed me. I sipped at it slowly, letting the warm drink calm my nerves. 

“Don’t worry, Pupe, things will be fine,” She assured me, patting my hand and giving me a warm smile. 

“Oh, Alex, I’m so worried,” I whined, gnawing on my bottom lip, a nasty habit that I knew I’d have to break. “What if it’s all some sick joke?” I asked, my eyes beginning to well with tears. “What if this whole relationship was just an awful joke, and this is the fuckin punchline?” I rambled, a lump growing in my throat.

“Do you really think he’d fuck you senseless, then stick around to give you breakfast if this was all a joke?” She reasoned, raising her eyebrow. She was right, and she damn well knew it. She reached across the island and wiped away the tears that had spilled onto my cheeks, giving me a warm, heartfelt smile. “Don’t worry, Pupe, this is definitely something special.”

**Time hooppppp**

It was nearing 7, and I had only screamed once or twice in the process of getting ready. I had just pulled on my dress when Alex came bursting into my room with her hands behind her back. She had a silly grin on her face, swinging one hand out from behind her back. Grasped between her fingers were a pair of sparkling black heels, shoes I had never seen before. 

“Oh my god, those are beautiful!” I gasped, taking them from her grasp. They truly were gorgeous, and hell, they’d give me a few extra inches, so maybe I’d be close to looking Brian in the eyes.

“One more thing, Pupe,” She added, taking her other hand from behind her back. In it was a glittering necklace, the gold chain shimmering in the light. There was a small stone dangling from the chain, green and blue and purple in the overhead light. 

I gasped, carefully taking it from her hand. “I…..I don’t know what to say,” I breathed, my words nearly escaping me.

“It’s opal,” She told me, her eyes warm and kind, I could tell she was relieved that I liked it.

“Oh, Alex, thank you!” I said, choking back a sob. I threw my arms around her, careful not to hit her with the heels. She wrapped me in a warm embrace, and we stood there swaying for several moments before she pulled away from me.

“Now,” She started, giving me a toothy grin, “Brian’s going to be here soon. Go doll yourself up, okay?” She said, her voice high with excitement. I nodded, sitting on my bed to put the shoes on, then carefully walking over to the vanity set in my room. I put the necklace on, admiring it’s beauty for a moment before cautiously putting a small bit of makeup on. I was never one to wear any sort of cosmetics, but I had a feeling tonight was going to be special, and I decided that a little makeup wouldn’t hurt.

I finished not a moment too soon, hearing a knock on the door just as I walked out of my bedroom. I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my purse from the chair by the door. I swung the door open to reveal a rather proper looking Brian, dressed in a fancy looking suit. His hair was gelled back, and it looks as if he trimmed his beard. I stood and gaped for a moment, and it seemed he was doing the same, his lips parted in a silent gasp.

“Wow…” He whispered, taking in my entire form, as if I was some sort of delicate flower, beautiful, yet fragile. He reached forward and took my hand, his fingers dancing along my skin, leaving trails of sparks along my palm. 

“Are you ready?” He asked, and as I nodded, he led me out of the house and down to his car. As I got in, I saw Alex in the living room window giving me a thumbs up, a huge grin on her face. I waved goodbye as we pulled out of the driveway, turning left and driving down the dimly lit street.

**Another Time Hop**

We sat on a blanket that had been sprawled out on the sand. The water crashed below us, glittering in the pale moonlight. Brian had packed a simple meal, sandwiches and salads, something that seemed rather simple for how dressed up we were. Though I wasn’t complaining, I couldn’t help but be confused as we sat, talking and joking and looking at the stars. 

“Addie, there’s something we need to talk about,” He said, his voice so quiet I could barely hear it above the waves. Though he was speaking to me, his eyes were still turned up at the stars, lighting up his chocolate brown eyes. 

“What is it?” I asked, unable to keep the fear out of my voice. I could see him smiling, clearly picking up on my worry.

“Don’t worry, babe, it’s nothing bad,” He reassured me, and as he stood up, he reached down to pick me up as well. He took my hand and led me down to the water, careful not to get his pants wet. 

We walked along the shore in silence for a while, fingers intertwined, bodies brushing against each other. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, his hair fluttering in the evening breeze, and I had to admire how beautiful he was. I had mentioned it over and over, but there was something about this moment, the two of us alone on the beach, the moon lighting up the silver hairs along his temple, that made me realize this on some new level, like I had never truly noticed how genuinely attractive he was. My heart fluttered in my throat, and I was feeling the same way I did when he first kissed me at the supermarket, merely strangers at that point. 

He stopped suddenly, turning to me with a hopeful grin on his lips, and as he knelt down in front of me, I swear my heart stopped. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small, velvet box, which he presented to me.

“Miss Addie Allen,” he started, flipping the box open with his thumb to reveal a beautiful ring, glittering in the dim light.

“Will you marry me?”


	14. Unknown Number

My breath escaped me as Brian knelt before me, his eyes shining bright with pleading. Could this really be happening? I was so scared, wanting to say yes, but terrified of the commitment. A deep scarlet blush covered my cheeks and made my face burn, and as I slipped my hand over my lips, Brian spoke again.

 

“I understand that this is so sudden, and I wouldn’t blame you for saying no, but I’m certain that this is what I want. I just want you to want it, too, Addie. I couldn’t imagine another life without you, I want to spend the rest of my li-“

 

“Yes,” I breathed, my lips curling up in a subtle smile. I giggled, repeating the word over and over again. “Yes, Brian, yes.”

 

He looked at me in disbelief, tears welling up in his eyes. He jumped to his feet and snaked his arms around my waist, picking me up and twirling me around. I laughed hysterically, the entire situation feeling like a dream. I couldn’t believe this, I was engaged to this gorgeous, loving man, and I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He set me down, and owe stood there in each-others embrace for what felt like an eternity. I felt his heartbeat against my cheek, strong, certain, and rhythmic in my ear, a drummer boy beating to the song of this moment.

 

Brian and I finally pulled away after several minutes, staring in each others eyes for a few moments before we turned and strolled back to where our blanket and food was.

 

We sat down, Brian grabbing my hand and carefully slipping the ring on my finger. I marveled at how it glittered in the dim lighting, each small stone giving off a glorious glow.

 

“Brian?” I asked, my eyes traveling over his beautifully relaxed form, sprawled out on the sand. “How did I get so lucky?” I wondered, seemingly rousing him from his daze. He looked over at me, smiling cheekily.

 

“Well, my darling, it had nothing to do with luck,” He stated simply, rolling onto his side to get a better look at me. “You are absolutely beautiful, you’re kind, and the smartest damn person I know. You’re so talented and creative, basically everything a man, or hell, even a woman, could ask for. You take my breath away, and if that means spending forever with you, I don’t ever want it back,” He stated, giving me a toothy grin.

 

My cheeks burned, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I mentally noted to kick myself later for being so emotional, but when I looked up, I could see his eyes were glassy as well. “I love you, Brian,” I mouthed, unable to find my voice.

 

“Forever and ever?”

 

“Forever and ever.”

 

 

It wasn’t until midnight when we returned home, and by then, I could see Brian nearly falling asleep on his feet. He insisted he was okay to drive home, but I knew him too well to believe that, and I spent a good ten minutes convincing him to stay the night. He finally complied, and I could see the relief in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to put the burden on me, but he definitely wasn’t okay to drive, and as we both shuffled up the steps, I could hear soft chatter from Alex’s room.

 

“What are they doing up so late?” I asked my now fiancé. He lazily shrugged, muttering some response that was either gibberish, or I couldn’t understand.

 

After reaching the top of the stairs and shuffling down the hall, I slammed the door shut and basically threw myself on the bed, Brian soon falling next to me. I could hear him snoring almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, but I stayed awake for a while, wondering how in the world this beautiful man could have fallen in love with me. It felt like a miracle, and the more time I spent with him, the more I fell completely, stupidly, undoubtedly in love with him.

 

 

I was only awoken by hushed cursing on the other side of the room, followed by a loud wince. I looked up and saw Brian, holding a bloody wad of toilet paper up to his face, his teeth bared in a painful scowl.

 

“What are you doing up so early?” I asked, propping myself up on my elbow.

 

He looked over, and I saw the shaving cream that covered half of his face. “Sorry, babe, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” He said, pulling the toilet paper away and tossing it in the trash. “Shaving is a bitch, though,” He complained, but I only rolled my eyes.

 

“Imagine how I feel,” I countered, sliding out of bed to walk over and inspect the cut. “Luckily, I know what would make that feel better,” I gloated, looking to see the curiosity in his eyes. I stood up on my toes, cause y’know, I’m still super short, and pressed a soft kiss to the cut, feeling his cheeks heat up as I did so.

 

I felt his arms wrap around me, pressing his body against my own, and though we’ve been dating for who knows how long, I still got butterflies in my stomach every time we had these moments.

 

We stood like this for a few minutes before I took a deep breath in, cringing as I realized I smelled like, well, shit. “I need to shower,” I mumbled against his chest, which rose and fell with a deep, throaty chuckle. He stepped away and left the bathroom, leaving me to get cleaned off. I shut the door and stripped of my clothes, turning the shower on and waiting for the water to heat up. I stood in front of the mirror, tracing the tattoos that crept onto my neck. My eyes then trailed down the rest of my body, ink covering my arms, my chest, my hips, and I felt absolutely beautiful. I turned over my left wrist, gazing at the fox that rested just above my hand. It had been my first tattoo, getting it when I was just sixteen after months of begging my mom, and after that, I was in love.

 

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water singe my body until it was bright and raw before turning it down to a tolerable temperature. As I washed off, I couldn’t stop myself from belching out the song that had been stuck in my head all day.

 

_Can you see me, my love?_

_Up there above?_

_When you were dying,_

_I was dying too._

_Look for meaning in song,_

_but the meaning was gone_

_cause I was crying_

_right along with you._

_If the heavens may break,_

_I hope for our sake_

_that if they ever do,_

_I'll Be There with you!_

I hummed the rest of the song, watching the water swirl down the drain as I drifted away into thought. The water had long since turned cold, but I didn’t mind it so much, since it sort of woke me up from the tired slump that I had been in, but I did end up getting out, cause the cold water started to hurt as much as the hot water had.

 

I kept singing as I got dressed, I still couldn’t get that song out of my head. It was a good song, but it was still a pain in the ass to have it playing in your head since you woke up.

 

_I woke up feeling the same way_

_that I did yesterday._

_Don't know what these tears would say,_

_but I miss my friend that went away._

_I watch the seasons as they go:_

_the rain, the sun, the heat, the snow._

_I don't know much, but this I know:_

_I miss my friend, I miss him so._

_I say my prayers, I raise my hands._

_I move my feet and when I can, I said,_

_"Help."_

_Would you help me now?_

_And lift me up if my legs give out?_

_Cause I know that life is short, and_

_living is the hardest part._

_And someplace through the dark,_

_we will meet and never part._

I opened the door to the bathroom and saw Brian leaning against the wall just outside, I must have figured he would be downstairs by now, but he told me he had been standing there the whole time.

 

“You have an amazing voice,” He said, and though he was smiling, I could hear how serious he was. “I really think you should sing professionally,” he continued, but I just shrugged. I was too self conscious to sing in front of people. Sure, my singing wasn’t horrible, but it’s not like I could make a living off of it.

 

“I think I’ll just keep it as a hobby,” I said, brushing off the absurd thought. I was done talking about it, but he clearly wasn’t, and kept going on about it all morning.

 

I told him I had to go to work, and after spending ages trying to find my keys, Brian offered to drive me. He said that he didn’t need to be anywhere until later today, so he wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I still felt bad.

 

He went upstairs to change his clothes, so I killed time playing on my phone. I was halfway through an intense level of Puzzles and Dragons when I got a text from an unknown number.

 

**_ You know he’s no good for you, right? _ **

****

I looked over the text before trying to put together a response. I know I typically don’t respond to messages from random numbers, but this one seemed so personalized that it had to be from someone I know.

 

**_Who is this? How did you get this number? I think you have the wrong person._ **

**_ That doesn’t matter. He’s not good enough for you. You should be with someone better. Someone like….me….. _ **

****

A cold shiver ran down my spine and my mouth went dry as I read the message, but I felt the need to respond. I needed to know who this person was, I wanted to know who thought they were so much better than Brian.

 

**_Who is this??_ **

**_ Who do you think it is? _ **

**_I don’t know._ **

**_ Think   
_ **

**_I can’t.  
_ **

**_ Of course you can. You’re a smart girl. After all, Brian said you’re one of the smartest girls he’s ever met, but that doesn’t surprise me. He normally sleeps around with sluts, it’s a nice change to have a girl with an IQ above that of a goldfish on his arm. _ **

**_Don’t talk about him that way, you bastard! How do you even know him?_ **

**_ We go way back. We’re best friends, but I don’t think he’d mind if I stole his fiancée.  _ **

**__ **

I thought for a moment, my mind working at a million miles a minute. How had this person known I was his fiancée? The only people that knew were Joe, Murr, and…

 

**_Sal?_ **

****

**_ See? That’s a good girl. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Song is I'll Be There by Hollywood Undead


	15. Teardrops and Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this chapter contains the topics of mental disorders and self harm. If any of this is potentially triggering, please skip this chapter or proceed at your own risk.

It’s been a year since I received those texts from Sal, the messages that chilled me to the bone and twisted my insides into knots. Though I had seen him since then, it had always been in the company of one of the other guys. Brian had since moved in, and after showing him the messages, he was careful to never let Sal near me alone.

 

Mine and Brian’s wedding day was quickly arriving, and I was currently out at the bridal shop with Bessy, Joe’s wife, and Murr’s girlfriend Lynda. I had told them that they didn’t need to come with me, but they insisted that they did, telling me that since this was probably going to be the most important day of my life, I needed to look perfect. Though I was kind of surprised, I was secretly flattered, knowing that these two women were so fond of me. We had been friends since I started dating Brian, and since then, we’d only grown closer.

 

I was currently standing in front of the mirror, examining a long white dress that Lynda had picked out. It was incredibly beautiful, and it fitted me beautifully, but when Lynda came over and looked closely at it, she gave a distasteful frown.

 

“It just doesn’t…scream you, y’know?” She said, tugging at it absentmindedly. I gave her a confused look, but now that she mentioned it, I realized how baggy it was around my chest.

 

“I guess you’re right,” I told her, going back into the dressing room to change out of it, leaving her and Bessy to pick out another dress. The entire day they had been disagreeing on what I should try on, which resulted in me trying on countless dresses. I stood inside of the dressing room, listening as Lynda and Bessy chattered outside, examining the dresses that filled the room. Finally, I heard both of them gasp, followed by rushed footsteps toward the room. They swung the door open, clearly not caring whether I was dressed or not, shoving the dress into my arms and leaving me to try it on.

 

I carefully took it out of the bag and slid it off of the hanger, unzipping the back and stepping into the gown. After rezipping it, I stepped out of the room and into the main one where Bessy and Lynda stood eagerly. As soon as I stepped in, they began gasped in awe. I rushed over to the mirror and looked at it, marveling at how the dress accented my body, falling down below my feet. It was wrapped in golden lace that glittered in the light. I looked to the other two girls, and I knew that they were thinking the same thing: This was the one.

 

We paid for the dress and all piled into Lynda’s car, pulling out of the store parking lot and making our way down the street towards Bessy’s house. The two of them talked extatically up front, and though I chimed in once and a while, I mostly remained silent, letting my gaze drift out the window.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that I was getting married, but I was nervous as hell that Sal would end up doing something stupid. I know it was probably idiotic of me to invite him to my wedding, but it felt wrong not to have all of the guys there. I was hoping that maybe he’d find someone at the wedding that would take his mind off of me, but something in my gut told me that he probably would never get over this insane infatuation he had.

 

We dropped Bessie off, and then it was just me and Lynda. I had moved up to the front seat and listened intently as she spoke fondly of Murr, about how he had recently taken her out to dinner and asked her to move in with him, to which she obviously said yes.

 

“You two are perfect for each other,” I grinned, turning to see the pink that spread across her cheeks. Lynda and Murr had been dating since just after Brian proposed to me, so she often asked about what he was like before they met. I told her about how kind and compassionate he was towards not only me, but everyone. He acted like a protective older brother and a longtime friend, and he was often the person I vented to when shit hit the fan. I told her how much I cared about him, how close we were, and how sweet and accepting he had always been to me.

 

I could see her start to tear up, but I didn’t blame her. Knowing that your boyfriend was basically a saint was enough to make anyone cry, but I think it was something more than that, too. I think that what I had said had reassured her that her relationship was real, not some fling or rebound, that Murr genuinely cared about her and wanted to be with her. It was true, too, I was good at reading people, but it was clear as day that Murr was completely head over heels for this woman, and vice versa.

 

We talked about things like this until we pulled into my driveway, parking the car and looking at each other for a moment. This woman was truly gorgeous, with long hair that draped over her shoulders, and beautiful eyes that could melt any man’s heart.

 

“Thanks for everything, Lynda,” I said, leaning over to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around me, rubbing small circles on my back. She knew me so well, and she knew how much I loved that. I grinned stupidly, only pulling away when I saw Brian stepping out the front door to wave at us. I got out of the car and took my dress from the back seat, waving goodbye to Lynda as she pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street.

 

I did my best to hide my dress from Brian, smuggling it upstairs into our room as he ran after me, begging me to see it.

 

“Come on, babe! Why can’t I just get a quick look?” He asked, chasing me into our room right as I hung it up in the closet.

 

“Cause, dummy, you can’t see the dress until the wedding!” I explained, nudging his shoulder as he came over and tried to peek at it. I slammed the door shut, with much protest from Brian. “You’re gonna have to wait!” I said, pushing him away from the closet. He whined, giving me his best pouty face. I groaned, crossing my arms and looking up at him, determined not to be phased by his puppy eyes.

 

“Please, babe? Just once?” He pleaded, even sticking his lip out to convince me. I stood strong, shaking my head as I pulled him out of the room.

 

We walked downstairs and curled up on the couch together, and I watched as Brian played something on the Xbox. Prototype, I think it was? The game looked interesting, and after beating another mission, he let me play on free roam so that I could get the hang of the controls. I caught on quickly, and soon we were taking turns playing through each mission, shouting and laughing as we continued through the game.

 

The two of us sat there playing videogames until I heard an urgent knock at the door. Brian offered to get it, tossing the controller over to me so that I could continue the mission while he saw who was at the door.

 

“What do you want?” I heard Brian ask, his voice tense.

 

“I want to see her.” The other voice said, and though I could tell it was familiar, I couldn’t place it.

 

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Brian said, his tone growing darker.

 

“How do you know that?” The other voice asked.

 

“After what you did to her? Why the fuck would she want to?” Brian asked, but I could hear the sadness in his voice.

 

“It’s important. I think she’ll want to hear this,” The voice said, sounding impatient.

 

“Fine,” Brian said, turning over to me and gesturing for me to come over. I paused the game and walked over to him, my blood running cold as I saw Sal standing on our porch. His eyes were red and his skin was blotchy, almost like he had been crying.

 

“What do you want?” I breathed, my voice catching in my throat. I took a step behind Brian, fearing nothing but the worst. I could see the pain flicker in his eyes, and I suddenly felt awful for flinching away from him. I moved out from behind my fiancé and instead, stepped toward Sal, much to Brian’s distaste.

 

Sal took a minute to respond, trying to find his voice. “I’m sorry, for everything,” He told me, his eyes burning into mine, “I know that what I did is wrong, and I’m seeing someone to help me with my problems.” After he explained everything to me, I felt relief hit me like a truck, but I kept my distance. Though I was happy he was getting help, I wanted to stay as far away from him as possible until I could see he was getting better.

 

“Congrats,” I said, and I really meant it. Sal was still one of my best friends, despite what he had done in the past, and I really wanted him to get the help he needed. “I’m glad you’re finally getting the help you need,” I told him, a small smile creeping onto my face.

 

He returned the grin, rubbing his upper arm, an old nervous tick of his. I took a step forward, resting my hands on his shoulders. I could feel my body shaking, I was still terrified, but this was something I knew I had to do. I couldn’t live life without Sal as my friend, and I knew he felt the same way.

 

“I’m so sorry, Addie. I’ve been so terrible to you,” He said, barely managing to get the words out before he broke down. Tears rushed down his face, his shoulders shaking violently, and he let out a sob that ripped my soul in two. I wrapped him in a warm embrace, rubbing small circles on his back, just like Lynda did to me to calm me down, and it seemed to work. His body stilled, and his sobs turned into stifled sniffles, his arms soon finding their way around my body, holding me like a child would hold a toy. “I’ve been doing bad things to myself, Addie,” he hiccupped, his voice muffled by my shirt. I took a step back and carefully pushed up his sleeve, seeing the still healing cuts along his forearms, deep and raw. I sucked in a breath, barely able to keep the tears in myself.

 

“Oh, Sal, why’d you do this?” I asked, my voice cracking as the tears escaped down my cheeks. I felt so much pain for this poor man that every awful thing he said to me had slipped from my mind.

 

“I didn’t want to live my life with you hating me, and I didn’t think you could forgive me for what I’ve done,” He told me, which only broke my heart more. I think I could even hear Brian starting to cry behind me. I took Sal by the shoulder and led him inside, walking over to the couch and sitting him down. “I know what I did was wrong, I just want you to forgive me, you and Brian. You guys are some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I couldn’t live without you,” Sal rambled, starting to shake once again. I sat down next to him and draped my arm over his shoulders, gently massaging his arm. He seemed to relax a little, leaning into my side more. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes, and I could see Brian come over and sit on the other side of him, leaning over to whisper soft words in his ear. I could see the compassion in my fiancé’s eyes, mixing with sadness and pain, and I knew that he forgave Sal as well.

 

Brian must have texted Joe and Murr, because they arrived a little while after Sal did. They walked in the front door, and I could almost hear their hearts breaking as they saw Sal, hunched over on the couch with mangled arms and red eyes. They rushed over, hugging and whispering to their friend, tears threatening to emerge as they spoke.

 

“I didn’t think you guys cared about me anymore,” Sal rasped, his voice raw from sobbing. I was almost taken aback by the statement, but I kept in my surprise.

 

“Sal, we’ll always care about you. You’re sick, but we’re here to help you,” I reassured him, resting my head on his finally steady shoulder.

 

_My friend my friend_

_Is it breath you're holding in?_

We all gathered closer around Sal, and I think by that point, we were all crying.

 

_Or the questions from within_

_Do they end as they begin?_

We knew Sal was sick, but we still cared about him. We all loved him, no matter what, and we made sure he knew that.

 

 

_Oh my heart my heart_

_Is it left out in the dark?_

Who knows how long we sat there, crying and talking and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

 

_Is there light after the start_

_Like the clouds after they part_

At some point, the tension that was in the room lifted, and I think we all felt it.

_No, the end, the end_

_Is it written in the sand?_

We knew Sal would get better, and he knew we would be there with him every step of the way. We weren’t complete without him, and the four of us made sure he knew that.

 

_Is it slipping through your hands_

_Like a dream that never ends?_

The night passed slowly, with more crying and heartfelt speeches, expressing our undying love for each other.

 

_So, my friend, my friend_

_Are the walls still closing in?_

At some point, we all made our way to the backyard, looking up at the stars as our breath danced in the air in great clouds, reaching up toward the stars. We laughed and talked and cried, but when we did, the others were there for us, holding us and calming our frayed nerves, reassuring us that everything would be okay.

 

_Time and time again_

_These are words from a broken friend_

And it would be.


	16. Sing Your Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Gasoline by Halsey

I felt the soft, cotton sheets brush against my skin as I shifted in my bed. I felt a warm body press against me, soft fingertips dancing against my skin, breath tickling the back of my neck. I slowly opened my eyes, watching the sunlight filter through the curtains and bathe the room in a warm, inviting light. I took in a deep breath, taking in the smell of clean sheets and Brian’s now stale cologne, still lingering on his skin. I could hear my fiancé softly mumble to himself, most likely unaware that I had woken up by now.

“How did I get so lucky?” He wondered to himself, tracing the ink on my bicep with his thumb. “You’re so beautiful, my love,” He breathed, his voice barely audible, even in the silence. I could feel him sigh fondly as he placed adoring kisses along my shoulder, leaving fireworks beneath my skin. I let out a small chuckle, letting Brian know that I had woken up.

I rolled over and looked up into his eyes, the sunlight making them light up like scotch in front of a summer sunset. His gaze took my breath away, leaving us staring at each other for several moments, before I finally found my voice. “How did you sleep?” I asked, my voice still hoarse from just recently waking up.

“Better than ever, you?” He answered, tracing his thumb over my cheek, leaving my skin warm and pink. 

“Wonderful,” I breathed, letting my eyes flutter shut for another moment before a kiss to my forehead made me open them again. “What was that for?” I asked, a small smile dancing across my lips.

“For being beautiful,” He told me, an arrogant smirk lighting up his still tired face. He rolled out of bed and stood up, reaching his hands over his head in a massive stretch, a sound similar to a baby dinosaur emerging from his throat. I giggled under my breath, climbing out of bed to get ready for a shower. 

“Oh, sure, I’d love to join you!” Brian rejoiced, quickly trotting after me into the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes as I stepped into the bathroom, Brian quickly slipping in after me and shutting the door. I went through my normal routine of turning on the water and stripping of my clothes, very painfully aware of Brian eyeing me as I did so.

“Holy shit…” He muttered, and I turned around to see him staring at me with wide eyes, his mouth agape.

“What?” I asked, suddenly worried something was wrong with me. “Is there something wrong with me?” I wondered, voicing my concerns as his eyes continued to travel up and down my naked body.

It took him a minute to reply, but finally he found his voice again and rushed to reassure me. “No, no, that’s not it!” He explained, holding his hands up. “I guess I just never appreciated how fucking gorgeous you are,” He told me, taking a step closer, his cheeks growing a deep shade of red, my own skin matching his. He kept walking closer toward me until we were just inches from each other, his breath stirring my short, messy hair. 

I stood up on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips before stepping back into the shower, shutting the glass door on him. I could hear him whine over the beating of the water, but I pretended to ignore it, loudly humming to myself. I figured he must have given up after I heard the bathroom door shut, leaving me to shower in peace. I didn’t take long, only quickly washing my hair and the rest of my body before jumping out of the shower and getting dressed. My wardrobe today consisted of my usual leggings, along with a rather classy Twenty One Pilots t-shirt. I hopped out of the bathroom and down the hall so quickly I didn’t even notice Brian walking in my direction. I slammed right into him, my face being shoved right into his chest with an audible oof! I took a step back and rubbed my forehead, apologizing profusely before I heard that deep, throaty laugh that made the butterflies in my gut go mad.

“You okay, doll?” Brian asked me, looking down to inspect the red spot on my forehead. I nodded, careful not to rattle my brain too much to avoid getting a migraine. That thought made me chuckle, and I started humming Migraine by Twenty One Pilots, leaving Brian incredibly puzzled.

“I gotta get ready for work, babe,” I told him, stepping around his broad form to head into our room so that I could hunt for my shoes. I was on my knees searching under the bed when I felt a hand connect with my rear, making me jump with terror. I rolled over to see Brian standing above me, lust burning in his eyes.

“Sure you can’t take the day off?” He asked, his voice low and rough, sending shivers up my spine. 

“Yeah babe, I’m sure,” I told him, seeing the irritated look on his face. “But,” I continued, checking the clock, “I have a few minutes.” I stood up and eased him down onto the bed, crawling into his lap and burying my face in his scruffy neck, placing kisses against his skin that grew more and more heated. I heard him let out a deep, throaty moan, seriously driving me insane. I pushed him back against the bed and slammed my lips against his own with incredible intensity. He furiously kissed back, his tongue flicking against my bottom lip, begging for entry. I smirked devilishly, pulling away and slinking off of him, returning to my search for my shoes. I could hear him whine, and peaked up to see how tortured he was at the fact that I had totally cut him off. 

“You owe me, y’know?” He said, sitting up and looking down at me. I nodded my head, fully aware that I was going to have to make up for it. “You damn tease,” He said rather affectionately, pressing a kiss to the top of my head before standing up to grab clean clothes.

“Hey, you’re actually gonna shower!” I howled, perking up from my crouching position. 

“Did the guys tell you to say that?” He asked, trying, and failing, to hide the amusement in his voice.

I thought for a moment, not sure whether I should sell the guys out or not. “No….” I started, then decided against it, “Yeah, they did.” 

“Those rat bastards,” he teased, walking out of the room and down the hall towards the bathroom, where he had followed me in only a half an hour before. 

After several more minutes of digging, I finally found my shoes, pulling them over my feet and walking over the mirror that hung up on the wall. I quickly fixed my disheveled hair and put my glasses on, completing my totally dorky look. I pulled on a sweater from my closet to protect myself from the cold, October weather, and jogged down the hallway, quickly tapping on the bathroom door. 

“I’m heading to work, I’ll see you at lunch! Love you!” I told him, taking the stairs two at a time and snatching my purse from the couch before I walked outside. I got in my car and pulled out of my driveway, heading off to work for the day.

**

It was the end of the day, and I was heading home, sure that I was going to be alone. Brian had told me during lunch that he would be out today filming with the guys until later, and that I should enjoy a night out, and I figured I’d do just that. When I got home, I only spent a few minutes inside to clean myself up, chatting with Alex as I did so. I offered for her to come with me, which she gladly accepted, explaining that her schoolwork was driving her insane. 

Once we were both ready to leave, we got into my car and drove to one of the clubs downtown, parking down the street and walking the rest of the way. I looked at one of the neon signs hanging in the window, excitement making my stomach jump. The sign stated: Karaoke tonight! I knew for sure that I was going to take part in it, and when I asked Alex to join me, she not so respectfully declined, saying that when she sings, she sounds like a dying rat. I doubled over laughing when she said that, and though it wasn’t entirely true, I knew her singing wasn’t her strong point.

We got into the club and ordered a few drinks, and once I was fairly tipsy, Alex convinced me to go sign up to sing. I walked up to the list and scribbled my name down, writing down the song that I wanted to sing as well before returning to my seat. I looked around the club as people danced and talked and drank, the loud noise and rhythmic music somehow soothing me.

Before I really knew it, the DJ was calling me up to sing next, and I realized the nervousness twisting in my gut. I walked up on stage and tapped the microphone, waiting for the DJ to start the music. Once it began, I counted in my head until the words began, and with a huge breath, I started to sing the lyrics.

"Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?  
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?  
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?  
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?  
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?  
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?  
Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,  
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,  
With your face all made up, living on a screen,  
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,  
I think there's a flaw in my code,  
Oh, oh, oh, oh,  
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is golden, my hands are cold,

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?  
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?  
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?  
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,  
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,  
With your face all made up, living on a screen,  
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,  
I think there's a flaw in my code,  
Oh, oh, oh, oh,  
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold."

I sang my heart out on that stage, the buzz of the alcohol wearing off as I howled the lyrics, and when I finished the song, the people in the crowd went wild, standing up and clapping their hands together with such ecstasy, I could feel my heart beating in my throat.

I jumped off the stage and was immediately approached by a well dressed man, maybe in his late thirties, with dark hair and a light stubble around his squared jaw. He had tan skin and dark eyes framed by small glasses. He wasn’t much taller than I was, but his shoulders were broad and his posture was tall and proud.

“You have a lovely voice,” He started, holding his hand out to me. I took it as he continued to speak, first introducing himself. “My name’s Gary, I’m a producer and a manager, and you, my dear, have caught my eye,” Gary smirked, showing off a row of glittering white teeth.

“Are you serious?” I said, and I wasn’t sure he had heard my above the noise until he nodded, his smile growing wider.

“Quite, my dear,” He answered me, letting his hand drop to his side after a moment. “Now, it’s Addie, isn’t it?” Gary asked, but I knew that he already knew my name, the DJ had said it before I went up on stage.

“Yeah,” I answered, my heart lodged in my throat and my stomach doing cartwheels. 

Gary stuck his hands in his pockets as he continued to talk, “I was hoping maybe we would be able to get together so that I could hear some more of your singing, and maybe discuss a few options?” He suggested, knocking the breath out of me.

“O-Of course!” I answered, almost unable to get the answer out fast enough. 

He laughed loudly, a silky, beautiful sound, “I can give you my number,” He said, holding out his hand for my phone. I tentatively gave it to him after unlocking it, and he quickly punched his number into the contacts and handed it back to me. I couldn’t seem to find my breath as he rested his hands on my shoulders, a silly, ecstatic grin on his face.

“Give me a call this weekend, okay? I can’t wait to hear from you,” He said, giving my shoulders one final squeeze before walking out through the doors.

I stood there in silence for a moment, trying to process what had just happened. My thoughts were interrupted as I felt Alex sling her arms around me, screaming in excitement. 

“Who was that guy? What did he want?” She asked, raising her voice to make sure she was heard over the music.

“A producer or something, he wants me to sing some more for him, he said something about making some sort of offer or something. I think he wants me to start a singing career!” I exclaimed, nearly jumping out of my skin.

Alex and I both chattered loudly about the events of the night all the way home. I know I shouldn’t be driving, but the buzz had finally worn off, so we both arrived home safely. When we got there, I saw Brian’s car in the driveway, and I couldn’t wait to go inside and tell him the news. We both ran inside, carrying our shoes in our hands after taking them off at the club. I tossed open the front door and jogged up to my room, calling for Brian as I walked down the hall. I ended up bumping into him when he was coming out of the bathroom, his eyes wide and his face pale. He held something behind his back, and I grew anxious as he stood there in silence.

“Babe…. Is something wrong?” I asked, my voice shaking ever so slightly.

He only stood there, slowly bringing his hand from behind his back to show me what he had.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his voice hushed.

“I was going to, babe. I just didn’t know when,” I explained, begging that he would understand.

“You’re pregnant?”


	17. Play The Notes Of My Heart Strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is an insanely long chapter. 
> 
> The two songs are:  
> Face Your Demons- I Prevail  
> I'll Be There- Hollywood Undead

“Brian, I swear I can explain,” I promised him, holding my shaking hands up. The look on his face terrified me, a mixture of terror and confusion. His brows were furrowed together, and he wouldn’t seem to meet my eyes.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, tossing the pregnancy test into the trashcan before finally looking at me.

 

“I was going to tell you, Bri. I didn’t even find out what the result was until you showed me,” I explained to him. “I took it before I left, and put it on the sink. I didn’t think you’d be home before me, so I didn’t try and hide it,” I kept going, hoping that if I continued to talk, he wouldn’t have a chance to get mad at me. “Please don’t get angry, Brian.”

 

“Angry? Why would I be angry? I’m going to be a father!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up, spinning me in circles until we were both dizzy.

 

He set me down and rested his hands on my shoulders, a beautiful, ecstatic look in his eyes. We both stood there for a few moments, looking into each others eyes as we both processed what this meant for us both. Things seemed to be coming together beautifully now, and I hoped that nothing spoiled these moments for us.

 

“I have some more good news,” I mentioned, finally breaking the silence. “I was out at the club, and they were having karaoke night, right? So Alex finally convinced me to go up and sing, so I did, okay? And after I’m done everybody is cheering and clapping and on their feet for me, right? And I get off of the stage and this man comes up to me, his name was Gary. He said he was a manager and producer, and he made me an offer, and wanted me to come into his studio and sing a few more songs for him!” I rambled, my eyes lighting up as I spoke. I watched Brian’s reaction, which went from excitement to complete shock, then excitement again.

 

“You’re kidding, right?” He breathed, barely able to get the words out, and when I shook my head, clarifying that I was telling the truth, he shouted in joy. “I can’t believe this! I told you that you could make a career out of this!” He bragged, pulling me into a warm embrace. “I’m so proud of you, baby,” He mumbled into my hair, tears of joy and love and excitement running down both of our faces.

 

We stood like that for a long time, not really saying much, but we didn’t need to say anything. Brian finally pulled away and looked down at me, his eyes were glittering and he was smiling so wide I could see the corner of his eyes start to wrinkle.

 

“What are you looking at, Quinn?” I snickered, talking in the snottiest voice I could muster.

 

“Well, right now I am incredibly captivated by this insanely beautiful woman that I somehow managed to convince to spend the rest of her life with me,” He sneered back, flipping his dark hair dramatically, earning a long, bubbly laugh from me.

 

“She sounds insane, then!” I giggled, trying my best to sound as annoying as possible.

 

“She probably is, but so am I. So, we’re perfect for each other,” He said, his tone growing a bit more serious. I saw something shift deep inside his eyes, a small flicker that I couldn’t pick up on, almost like an absence of light.

 

“What did you say that producers name was?” He asked suddenly, a frown spreading across his face, poisoning his usually joyful features.

 

“Uh, Gary. Why?” I asked, feeling the air between us grow colder. I shivered suddenly, fearful of what might happen next. Was he going to say that he didn’t want me going? Why does it matter who the producer was? Suddenly, I couldn’t quite think straight, my thoughts growing fuzzy and blending together, soon becoming indiscernible from one another. A massive pressure rested on my chest as Brian stayed silent, seeming to think for several minutes.

 

“Okay, just… promise me you’ll be careful, okay babe?” He whispered, worry tainting his face, making his eyes seem much darker than they normally would.

 

“Well of course, babe. But I wouldn’t be in any danger,” I reassured him, but I think he only pretended to relax. “I’m just going to sing a few songs for him, then maybe talk a bit. I’ll be home before you know it, I promise.”

 

We went to bed that night, and by the time we were curled up beside each other, Brian had seemed to relax a bit, his eyes not so dark and his face a bit less troubled. The two of us stayed up for a bit and chattered quietly, mostly about nothing in particular, but at one point, Brian started to mutter something that I couldn’t pick up on at first. I listened closer, straining to hear what he was saying.

 

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a father,” He kept saying to himself, as if not quite believing it yet. Even in the low lighting, I could see an innocent, giddy smile on his face, and I felt him press his hand against my stomach, even though it hadn’t changed one bit.

 

I giggled to myself as his fingers grazed across my skin, so light I barely felt them. His gentle touches and nearly silent whispers began lulling me to sleep, my eyelids growing heavy as I started to drift off.

 

“I love you, babe. Forever and always,” He whispered. It was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

 

**

 

I was getting ready in my bedroom, raking a comb through my hair as I hummed something to myself. I was getting ready to go to the studio and meet with Gary, and though he seemed like a nice enough guy, I felt a tinge of worry grow in my stomach. Something about the way Brian worried for me made me nervous about this whole situation. What would make Brian so upset that he would be wary of letting me go?

 

The thoughts plagued me as I finished getting dressed, pulling on a simple pair of leggings and one of Brian’s shirts, a Guns N’ Roses t-shirt. I could still smell his cologne on it, the smell instantly seeming to brighten my mood. At this point, I was weirdly giddy, excited that my singing was actually getting a possible career in music, amazed at how I had found such a wonderful fiancé, soon to be husband, and a baby soon on the way. Things seemed to be going beautifully for me, and I hoped I never came down off of this wonderful cloud I was on.

 

I jogged downstairs and into the kitchen, seeing a small note on the table beneath a plate of doughnuts.

 

_Morning, love!_

_The guys and I had to go out and shoot today, so we won’t be back until later. Good luck with your meeting with Gary today! Sing your lovely little heart out (And sing for me, too!) I should be back around dinnertime, so maybe we can go out tonight? Go ahead and think about it, and you can tell me when I see you tonight._

_Love, Brian. <3_

_PS. The doughnuts are from Joe. (:_

I smiled as I read the note, folding it up and tucking it inside my purse that sat on the chair beside me. I took a few minutes to eat the doughnuts, eternally grateful for Joe, always making sure I had my daily dose of sweets. It didn’t take long for me to eat, and after brushing my teeth and putting on some deodorant, I was out the door, ready to, as Brian put it, sing my lovely little heart out.

 

It only took a few minutes to reach the address that Gary had sent me a few nights ago, which turned out to be this big fancy recording studio smack dab in the middle of the city. I parked in the lot and walked in, greeted with a massive front lobby, the walls painted a deep shade of red, the carpet a stark white. All along the walls were framed pictures of different artists that had apparently made it big with the recording company, and I was greeted with many familiar faces, bands that I loved and admired. After I was done gawking at all of the pictures, I strolled up to the front desk, a young woman, probably around my age, sitting behind it and tapping away on her computer. She looked up as I approached, a pleasant smile lighting up her face.

 

“Hello there, can I help you?” She asked, her voice soft and almost like honey.

 

“Hi, yeah. My name’s Addie, uh, Gary told me to stop by. He wanted to hear me sing some stuff, I guess?” I sort of rambled, not really sure what to say.

 

“Oh, right!” She nodded, turning to her computer and pulling something up. “He’s out right now, but he should be back in just a few minutes. Can I get you anything while you wait?” She told me, turning back away from her computer.

 

“Just a coffee, if it’s not too much trouble,” I asked, and watched as she hopped out of her chair and almost skipped away down a hall and into a separate room. She came back a moment later, a mug with colorful flowers decorating it in her hand. She carefully handed it to me, along with two sugar packets and two small cups of creamer. I thanked her profusely, taking small steps to one of the black leather chairs that lined the walls and taking a seat. I added the sugars and creamers to my coffee and sipped at it for a while, scrolling through my phone as I waited for Gary to arrive.

 

It was maybe fifteen minutes before he walked through the doors, walking over to where I sat as soon as he saw me.

 

“I’m glad you could make it,” he said, his voice silky and gruff all at the same time.

 

I looked up at him, smiling as I locked my phone. “It’s a lot closer than I thought,” I shrugged, finishing my coffee and standing up, just remembering how similar we were in height. He just nodded and gestured for me to follow him, leading me down the same hallway the woman at the desk went down, and through another door that ended up taking us to a stairwell. We started to walk down the stairs, into what I assumed was the actual recording studio. He took me through another door and down a few more hallways before we finally arrived in a studio, littered with musical equipment and microphones and all that. He unlocked the door to a small room with a microphone in it, and I walked inside. He shut the door behind me and went to the massive panel in front, sitting down and pressing a button so he could speak to me.

 

“Okay, I just want you to sing something for me. It can be a song you already know, or one you make up, I want to see how far you can stretch your vocals,” He explained, letting go of the button and leaning back in the chair.

 

I put on the headphones and thought for a moment, finally getting a song I wrote a while back to come to mind. I felt the anger inside of me bubble up, rage I had suppressed for so long, rage towards Sal for what he had done to me, something I still had open wounds about. I knew for sure that once I got this out, I could fully forgive him, and I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath, and started to sing.

 

 _You're so incomparable, I want to know just how you did it._  
_Was it with your words, are you willing it admit it?_  
 _Was it with your force, you took the fruit right from the source._  
 _You stole her innocence without remorse._  
  
_Hear these words, I'm gonna make sure that you remember the night when you_  
 _Stole from her, the beautiful life, the only one she ever knew._  
 _How dare you, be the fire that burned the branches off the tree, be the storm that disrupts the sea._  
 _You are the reason, now face your demons._  
  
_I'll make sure, the whole world knows your name_  
 _But for all the wrong reasons._  
 _I'll watch your body rest in flames._  
 _I'm gonna watch you rest in flames._  
  
_Now that, I see the truth of the liar._  
 _I will, be the one to set the fire._  
 _Tied up, in the bed where you defiled her._  
 _Your time has expired._  
 _Expired._  
 _Open the fuck up._  
  
_I'll make sure, the whole world knows your name_  
 _But for all the wrong reasons._  
 _I'll watch your body rest in flames._  
 _I'm gonna watch you rest in flames._  
 _I'll make sure, the whole world knows your name_  
 _But for all the wrong reasons._  
 _I'll watch your body rest in flames._  
  
_It's time to face your demons. Yeah._  
 _You are the reason._  
 _It's time to face your demons._

I ended the song, taking a moment to catch my breath before looking up through the window. I saw Gary sitting there, leaning over the panel as he stared at me with wide eyes. He started to speak, then remembered to press the button before he started again.

 

“That was incredible,” He said, his voice so quiet I could barely hear him over the speakers. “I’ve never heard something with so much emotion, so much rage,” He blabbered, grinning wildly. “I’d love to hear more, if you don’t mind,” He asked, hope lighting up his expression. I nodded eagerly, thinking for a moment before I began to sing again, this time, my voice softer and friendlier.

  
_Can you see me, my love?_  
 _Up there above?_  
 _When you were dying,_  
 _I was dying too._  
 _Look for meaning in song,_  
 _but the meaning was gone_  
 _cause I was crying_  
 _right along with you._  
 _If the heavens may break,_  
 _I hope for our sake_  
 _that if they ever do,_  
 _I'll Be There with you!_  
  
_I woke up feeling the same way_  
 _that I did yesterday._  
 _Don't know what these tears would say,_  
 _but I miss my friend that went away._  
 _I watch the seasons as they go:_  
 _the rain, the sun, the heat, the snow._  
 _I don't know much, but this I know:_  
 _I miss my friend, I miss him so._  
 _I say my prayers, I raise my hands._  
 _I move my feet and when I can, I said,_  
 _"Help."_  
 _Would you help me now?_  
 _And lift me up if my legs give out?_  
 _Cause I know that life is short, and_  
 _living is the hardest part._  
 _And someplace through the dark,_  
 _we will meet and never part._  
  
  
_(Someplace through the dark...)_  
  
_Can you see me, my love?_  
 _Up there above?_  
 _When you were dying,_  
 _I was dying too._  
 _Look for meaning in song,_  
 _but the meaning was gone_  
 _cause I was crying_  
 _right along with you._  
 _If the heavens may break,_  
 _I hope for our sake_  
 _that if they ever do,_  
 _I'll Be There with you!_  
  
_The calm that comes before the break,_  
 _the sun that sets like yesterday._  
 _The good may come, go away,_  
 _but bad news waits for you to wake._  
 _We all kneel down before the storm,_  
 _when waves come crashing at your door._  
 _I've been down, been down before,_  
 _and I have faith, but I need more._  
 _We're specs of dust caught in a whirl_  
 _with nothingness behind the curtain._  
 _Life is short, but death is certain._  
 _That will always be our burden._  
 _Free,_  
 _afraid to follow_  
 _if I promise you tomorrow._  
 _See, through the dark,_  
 _we will meet and never part._  
  
_(Someplace through the dark...)_  
  
_Can you see me, my love?_  
 _Up there above?_  
 _When you were dying,_  
 _I was dying too._  
 _Look for meaning in song,_  
 _but the meaning was gone_  
 _cause I was crying_  
 _right along with you._  
 _If the heavens may break,_  
 _I hope for our sake_  
 _that if they ever do,_  
 _I'll Be There with you!_  
  
  
_Ooooh..._  
 _Ooooh..._  
  
  
_I had something to say,_  
 _but the words went away_  
 _just like they always do._  
 _I'll..._  
 _Be There with you!_  
  
_Can you see me, my love?_  
 _Up there above?_  
 _When you were dying,_  
 _I was dying too._  
 _Look for meaning in song,_  
 _but the meaning was gone_  
 _cause I was crying_  
 _right along with you._  
 _If the heavens may break,_  
 _I hope for our sake_  
 _that if they ever do,_  
 _I'll Be There with you!_

 

I finished the song, thinking about the first time I sang that song, how Brian tried convincing me to pursue a music career, and here I was, singing that same song for a music producer. I smiled brightly, looking as I saw Gary trying to discreetly brush a tear from his eye.

 

“That was beautiful, Addie,” He said through the speakers, standing up and coming over to the door into the room, walking in and placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’d love to make an offer, how about you start singing, and we’ll help you with recording, shows, all of that?” he offered, his words hitting me like a punch to the face, but… a good sort of punch.

 

“Of course, yes!” I agreed, nodding my head furiously. “But, uh, I need to find some band members, don’t I?” I asked, and I think he might have just realized this as well, because he sort of ‘Oh’d’ and nodded.

 

“That would help. Do you have anyone in mind?” He asked, and I instantly had an idea of who to ask.

 

“Of course. Can I bring them here in a few days?” I asked, and that was it. Gary led me back up to the lobby, and we said our goodbyes before I walked back outside and to my car, ready to go home and see Brian and tell him the news.

 

**

 

When I got home, Brian was laying face down on the couch, snoring softly. I knelt down and whispered for him to wake up, and after several attempts, he finally jolted awake, turning his head to look at me with a drowsy grin.

 

“How’d it go, babe?” He asked, reaching out to gently stroke my face.

 

“Fantastic. He wants me to start singing professionally,” I reported, which seemed to wake Brian right up.

 

“Really?” He gasped, scrambling to sit up on the couch. I nodded, loving how giddy he was all of a sudden. “But don’t you need a band?” He asked, and I knew this question was coming.

 

“Of course, I’ve got a few people in mind,” I reassured him, sitting down and leaning up against him.

 

“Great, babe. Y’know, I hate to do this to you, but I’m exhausted, you wanna just order Chinese and watch movies?” He asked, looking at me with eyes that seemed to say _Sorry I’m a shithead._

 

I agreed, picking up the phone and ordering the take out as Brian scrolled through movies on Netflix. The food got here quicker than I expected, and we sat in the dim lighting, eating and watching the movie in silence. I curled up against him and grinned as he started to play with my hair absentmindedly, his other hand placed on my stomach. Though this was so simple, I reveled in the moment, looking at Brian as he watched the movie intently, and I didn’t know it was possible, but I started to fall even more in love with him.

 

This moment was perfect.

 

But nothing perfect lasts forever, does it?


	18. Rebounds and Shared Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Last Night On Earth by Green Day

I sat inside the recording studio, tapping my foot as the beat of the drum echoed through the massive room, guitar chords filling the air and bass thumping in my stomach. I closed my eyes and followed along to the music in my head, counting down the seconds before I started singing. The song resonated deep within me, and I could feel the emotion pull at my soul, almost making my tear up. I took in a deep breath, holding it in for a moment before starting to sing.

 

 _I text a postcard sent to you_  
_Did it go through?_  
 _Sending all my love to you_  
 _You are the moonlight of my life every night_  
 _Giving all my love to you_  
 _My beating heart belongs to you_  
 _I walked for miles 'til I found you_  
 _I'm here to honor you_  
 _If I lose everything in the fire_  
 _I'm sending all my love to you_  
  
_With every breath that I'm worth here on Earth_  
 _I'm sending all my love to you_  
 _So if you dare to second guess you can rest assured_  
 _That all my love's for you_  
  
_My beating heart belongs to you_  
 _I walked for miles 'til I found you_  
 _I'm here to honor you_  
 _If I lose everything in the fire_  
 _I'm sending all my love to you_  
  
_My beating heart belongs to you_  
 _I walked for miles 'til I found you_  
 _I'm here to honor you_  
 _If I lose everything in the fire_  
 _Did I ever make it through_?

I wiped my hands on my pants, leaning back and letting out an exhausted breath. I looked around at my bandmates, who were all tired and weary looking. We had been practicing all day, Gary really hadn’t given us a break all day, with the exception of lunch, and we were all ready to go home for the day.

 

“How was that?” I asked Gary, who sat on the other side of the glass window. He looked impressed, and if not a bit emotional, and he nodded his head.

 

He pressed down the button, leaning into the microphone. “That was phenomenal you guys. I think that’s good for today,” He told us, leaving us all sighing with relief.

 

We all gathered up our things and walked out of the studio, splitting up to our separate cars and heading home. Once I got back to my house and walked inside, I was bombarded by laughs and cheers and a surprised squeek, all coming from the living room. I walked in to see all of the guys lounging around on the couches, but something seemed off about the entire atmosphere. Murr sat some distance from the other guys, his face slightly flushed and his eyes glassy. The other guys didn’t seem to notice, but it was the first thing I saw when I walked into the room.

 

“Murr, can I talk to you?” I asked, my voice low and gentle. He stood up uneasily, shuffling after me as I walked into the kitchen. I turned around and waited for him to come closer before I rested a hand on his shoulder, giving him time to explain.

 

“Lynda left me,” He said, sobbing as soon as the words came out. He bent forward and buried his face into my neck, his tears making my skin slick, though I didn’t make an attempt to brush them away so I wouldn’t disturb him.

 

“Oh, James,” I whispered, sort of petting his head as his shoulders continued to shake. “Don’t worry, let it all out, hun,” I cooed, motherly instincts instantly kicking in.

 

I couldn’t say how long we stood like that before Murr finally calmed down, his breathing growing slower and smoother, finally steadying into a normal rhythm. He stepped away, and though his face was still blotchy, his face seemed more relaxed than it had before.

 

“Thank you, Addie,” He said, his voice almost like a whimper.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing. Now, you call me if you need to talk, you hear me? No matter what time it is, I’ll always pick up,” I promised, patting his shoulders and giving him a comforting kiss on the cheek before turning and grabbing a cloth from the sink, running it under cold water and pressing it on his cheeks. Slowly, his face returned to its normal color and the tears had faded from his cheeks.

 

We walked back into the living room, and I sat down between Sal and Brian, Murr falling back into one of the leather couches Joe was sitting on. I curled up into Brian, feeling one of his arms wrap around my shoulders, the other subtly petting my stomach. I turned to Joe and saw him staring at my stomach, noticing the way Brian rested his hand over it protectively. I met his eyes, seeing the knowledge behind them, and I silently begged him to keep quiet. He gave me a look that said _We’ll see about that,_ and chuckled softly, a grin lighting his face up. I chuckled to myself, looking up to see Brian staring down at me, his eyes darting away and his cheeks lighting up as I caught him staring.

 

“So, I was thinking, maybe we could all go out for a drink later?” Joe suggested, giving me a smug look. I shot him daggers, knowing he was doing all of this on purpose.

 

“You guys go ahead, I think I’ll probably just spend the night at home,” I passed off, hoping it was enough to convince the guys without further questions. Clearly, Joe wasn’t satisfied with my answer, continuing to question me.

 

“Why not, Addie? Have someplace better to be?” He pushed, his elbows resting on his knees as he interrogated me, his look telling me that he was enjoying my embarrassment. “Or is it something…different?” He trailed off, giving me a less than subtle wink.

 

“Or maybe,” I suggested, raising my eyebrows in defense, “I just want the night home. Why so eager to get me out of the house?” I questioned, everyone eyes turning to him. I smirked, knowing I had one, and allowed myself to relax, knowing he would give up.

 

“Fine, fine, I get it, stay home,” He complained, acting hurt and betrayed. Everyone rolled their eyes, paying no attention to Joe’s drama. The chatter continued again, and I let my eyes wander over to Murr, who was sending a strange gaze over in Sal’s direction, something that I couldn’t pick up on. I tried to get his attention, but he was staring so intently at Sal, I couldn’t seem to get him to notice me. I then shifted my attention to Brian, who was chattering happily with Sal, who didn’t seem to notice the looks Murr was giving him.

 

The five of us sat around and talked for some time before the guys announced that they would be leaving soon. Sal offered once more for me to come along, but I politely refused again, saying that I was far too tired from the recording session to do much more than go lay down and sleep. The guys left a few moments later, leaving me in the house alone. Alex had been spending more and more time at her girlfriends house, which more often than not left me at the house by myself, giving me far too much time on my hands to think. I started worrying about everything and anything, and if something could go wrong, I figured it probably would. At least when someone else was around, I was able to take my mind off of anything that bothered me, even if only for a few moments.

 

It wasn’t long before I got a text from Brian, momentarily relieving me of my anxiety.

 

 **Sal and Murr already getting kinda tipsy. Murr’s actin funny toward Sal, kinda flirty. U know anything about that?**  
  


**Murr told me Lynda broke up with him, and I saw him giving Sal funny looks. That’s about it.**

** How crazy would it be if he had a thing for old Sally boy? **

****

**Oh hush, I think it would be cute.**

** Not as cute as u, babe. ;) **

****

**Oh be quiet and go have fun with your friends.**

** Love you too, babe. <3 **

****

The texting stopped after that, and I started to get up off the couch to head to the shower, deciding that I probably stank pretty bad after working and the session with Gary and the band. I made it all the way up to my bedroom before I collapsed onto the bed, drifting off into a much needed rest.

 

**

 

I woke up a few hours later with a killing headache and a sick feeling in my gut, tempting me to lose all of the contents of my stomach. I jumped up off the bed and into the bathroom, dropping down onto my knees in front of the toilet. I spit up all of the food from the day, tasting the acid in the back of my throat that sent a shiver down my spine. I groaned loudly as another wave of sickness overcame me, forcing me to spit up nothing but saliva and acid. I sort of started sobbing at that point, desperate to calm the terrible churning in my stomach.

 

“God damnit Brian Quinn, you’re gonna pay for doing this to me,” I cursed, knowing full well I wasn’t serious, but the words sort of made me feel a little better when I was puking my guts out. It was hard to hear over my retching, but the door opened and closed downstairs, a soft, sarcastic “Honey, I’m home!” chimed through the house.

 

“Up here, Quinn,” I yelled, not removing my head from the toilet bowl. Footsteps sounded up the stairs and Brian rushed into the bathroom, quickly dropping to his knees and pulling me against him.

 

“Are you okay baby doll?” He gasped, petting my hair gently.

 

I nodded weakly, feeling another fit of sickness coming over me. I lunged for the toilet again, retching and heaving, but nothing much came up. I felt miserable, but Brian’s gentle whispers seemed to calm me down a bit, allowing me to calm my breathing enough for the sickness to pass. I got up and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash in an attempt to get the disgusting taste off my tongue. As soon as most of the acidic taste disappeared, I stood up straight, leading Brian back to the bedroom. We fell back onto the mattress and curled up together, Brian’s soft breath stirring my short, choppy hair.

 

“So, how was it?” I asked after several moments of silence, earning a soft chuckle from Brian.

 

“Sal and Murray both got wasted, I hope you don’t mind if they stay the night here,” He said softly, and this time, it was my turn to giggle. I told him that it was okay as long as they didn’t puke all over my couch, and he assured me he’d try his best to make sure they made it to the bathroom. Brian seemed to drift off after that, but I was left awake, questioning the odd looks Murr was giving Sal earlier. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off between the two, it was a gut instinct, you could say.

 

After sitting in bed for an eternity, I got up and tiptoed down the stairs, passing through the living room to get into the kitchen. I rummaged in the fridge for a bottle of water, and once I retrieved it and went to go back to my room, I heard a soft shuffling from the couch. I looked over and strained to see what was going on, my eyes adjusting to the darkness.

 

Right before me, I saw murr straddling Sal, their lips locked in what looked to be a fiery, heated kiss. I took a step back, trying to find my phone without disturbing the two men. I picked it up off the coffee table and switched on the camera, snapping a few shots before running back up to my bedroom. Even as I curled up in bed, I could still faintly hear the moans of the two men downstairs, which were so loud they even seemed to wake Brian.

 

“What’s going on?” He mumbled, turning over to look at me.

 

I smirked, reaching over to grab my phone and going to my pictures. I turned and showed him the pictures of Sal and Murr, seemingly leaving him speechless.

 

“Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake,” He gasped, sitting straight up and snatching my phone from me. He stared intently at the pictures, a stunned chuckle shaking his shoulders. By now, the moans from downstairs had grown even louder, and I could hear soft pants and gasps trailing up into the room.

 

“I don’t know how to feel about this,” I mumbled to him, chewing on my lip awkwardly as the noises grew louder.

 

“Maybe if we ignore it, they’ll stop?” He halfheartedly suggested, wrapping his arms around me and pulling the covers up in a feeble attempt to block out the noise. Finally, after several long gasps and moans, the noise died down, and Brian and I both drifted into an easy sleep.

 

 _I opened my eyes, and I suddenly wished I hadn’t. The world around me was crumbling and decayed, strange masses growing all around me. A strange odor hung in the air that seemed could only be described as the smell of death, wretched and stomach churning. I looked around, seeing bodies litter the streets all around, more of the strange fungal masses growing up the buildings like ivy. Something felt immensely wrong about these masses, they felt strangely…alive. I got up from my resting place on the concrete and shuffled closer to one of the masses, seeing it begin to pulse before me. I felt like puking, but a strange curiosity drove me forward. When I was only a foot away, the mass began to take shape, a face beginning to press against the hazy film that covered the fungus, pressing forward until an entire body began to emerge. No, it wasn’t coming out from the mass….It_ was _the mass. The creature was morphing from the strange fungus in front of me, as if they were one whole creature. I fell backward, scooting away as fast as I possibly could from whatever the hell was in front of me. I felt my heart beating against my ribcage, a panic beginning to close my throat. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, and as I felt the hot breath of the beast graze my skin, my body jolted violently, and the world went dark._

I sat up with a gasp, my breathing rapid and panicked. I looked over to see Brian sitting next to me, his dark eyes full of worry. “Babe, are you okay? Was it a nightmare?” He questioned softly, wrapping his arms protectively around me. I nodded softly, burying my face in his chest before I began to calm down.

 

“I’m okay, it was just a bad dream,” I reassured him, my body soon relaxing.

               


	19. And I Play This Song For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it, guys! The songs in order of appearance are:
> 
> House of Gold- Twenty One Pilots  
> I Lived- One Republic  
> Superheroes- The Script

I sort of started grumbling as I tried to roll out of my bed, only to be stopped by a still sleeping Brian holding my tightly in his arms. I made an attempt to pry his arms from me, to no avail. Then, I started poking and nudging at him, and though it took far too long, I finally got him to wake up.

 

“Hmmf?” He grunted into the pillow, his eyes halfway open. “Fwhat time ifs it?” He asked, rolling onto his back with another, this time exaggerated, groan.

 

“Almost 9,” I told him, sitting up from the bed, “That means that you and the guys need to go get ready,” I reminded, slipping out from under the covers, glancing down at my growing stomach for a minute before going to get dressed.

 

“Shit, really?” He yelped, a strange noise to come out of a grown man’s mouth, and ran into the closet to grab his clothes, taking great care to avoid looking at my dress. He grabbed his things and gave me a swift kiss goodbye before going to grab Murr and Sal from the couch. Soon after he went down to the living room, I could hear shouting that was clearly Sal’s, so high pitched and erratic that it left me in a fit of giggles.

 

“What the hell, Murr!” Sal shouted, shortly followed by a quiet thud, surely Murray falling, or, being pushed rather, onto the floor.

 

“Dude, you came onto me!” Murr squeaked, defending himself as Sal continued to freak out.

 

“I literally have your bodily fluids inside of me!” Sal shouted, followed by the lovely sound of Brian’s laughter.

 

“Oh shut it, both of you!” I called as I trotted down the stairs, rolling my eyes. “Do guys not accidentally act kind of gay together sometimes?” I questioned, looking between the three men curiously, only to get curious glances from the three of them, which I took as no’s. I shrugged absentmindedly and made my way back upstairs, ready to call over some of my closer friends to help me get ready. As soon as I left the living room, I was sure I could hear Sal starting to dry heave, leaving me doubled over in a fit of laughter.

 

**

 

It was nearly noon, and my bedroom was packed full of friends and family members, rushing around in a frenzy trying to do one thing or another. I was sitting in front of a mirror, stripped down to just my bra and underwear as my old college roommate and long time friend, Sophie, stood behind me, messing with my hair, which I wasn’t sure how because of how short it was, and chatting on in a heavy Irish accent. In front of me stood Alex, skillfully applying sharp winged eyeliner and gold, sparkling eyeshadow to match with my dress, which was carefully set out on my bed.

 

“When can I see?” I asked, growing impatient, desperate to see what I looked like.

 

“When I’m done, you wench,” Alex teased, pulling away to get a better look at my overall look. “Almost done, love,” She added, stepping out of the way to reveal my image in the mirror.

 

I gasped, my eyes growing wide at the sight of the reflection, a person staring back that I wasn’t quite sure was me. Soft, slightly pinker lips, gold eyeshadow around my eyes and sharp eyeliner giving me a beautiful, yet slightly devious look. I couldn’t believe how beautiful I felt, and I almost started to tear up from it.

 

“Uh-uh, no crying!” Alex said, shaking her hair rapidly. “I worked too hard to have it be ruined by your sappiness!” She teased, skillfully dabbing away at the emerging tears.

 

After my hair and makeup had been finished, I slipped into my dress, Sophie delicately zipping it up in the back.

 

“You look lovely, dear,” She cooed, clasping her hands together in front of me as I once again stepped in front of the mirror, continuing to gawk at my reflection.

 

“I can’t believe I’m getting married today,” I breathed, feeling Alex gently massage my shoulders. I slowly twirled around, watching the gold shimmer in the bedroom lighting, and I couldn’t wait to see what it looked like outside in the sun.

 

“How much longer ‘till the wedding?” Sophie called over from the bathroom, where she was rummaging through one of my drawers.

 

“An hour, I think?” I called back, checking the clock on the wall. It was already nearly 5, and the wedding started at 6:30, so we still had some time before we had to leave, but I couldn’t imagine what else needed to be done.

 

“Perfect,” Sophie nodded, trotting over with several bottles of nail polish in her hands. She sat be down once more and rested my hands on the table, painting my nails like they were goddamn canvases. When she was done, it was 5:30 and my nails were covered in gold paint with black swirls, which were absolutely breathtaking.

 

Once everyone was sure I was completely ready, they all took a step back to get a good look at me. I felt my face grow hot as everyone seemed to stare at me, but it wasn’t a bad sort of feeling. For once, I felt genuinely beautiful, and I was glad everyone else seemed to notice it, too. After a few moments of just staring, I pulled on my shoes, which were a bitch to walk in, may I add, and was ushered out to Sophie’s car, where I was packed in along with Alex and two of my old highschool friends, Morgan and Laurie, and driven off to the church where the ceremony was to be held. I wasn’t much of a religious person, but my mother insisted on holding it there, and after much protest, I finally agreed. We pulled up out front to see Brian and the guys rushing in through the front doors. I grinned stupidly as I saw him, his sleek black hair pushed back, his beard neatly trimmed, his broad shoulders showing through the suit. The sight took my breath away, and it took several nudges from Alex to get me out of the car. I finally slipped out, nearly tripping while I did so, and was pretty much pushed in through the front of the doors and down a hall to my right. I was ushered into a room which was fairly empty except for a few mirrors and a table full of makeup and any other accessories. I looked over the items before a veil was slipped over my head and roses placed gently into my hands.

 

“It’s almost time, love,” Sophie whispered in my ear, the excitement making her radiate this beautiful sort of glow, and I realized how absolutely stunning she, and everyone else, looked.

 

“I’m nervous,” I admitted, just now noticing how furiously my hands were shaking. Sure, I was incredibly excited, but was I ready for this sort of commitment? I loved Brian to death, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but there was still that pang of anxiety poking at the back of my mind.

 

Sophie _tsk’ed_ softly, rubbing my shoulders reassuringly. “You’ll be fine,” she promised, her soft voice starting to ease my practically shot nerves. I nodded, giving her a grateful grin before getting into the line that had started to form in front of the door. I stood at the back where my uncle Randy stood, ready to “send me off” or whatever they called it. My father had passed away several years ago, so he was there to see me off.

 

“Are you ready?” He questioned, leaning over to whisper in my ear. I nodded, but I was still so incredibly scared, but I heard the music start up in the next room, and the doors opened before us, revealing faces turned toward the door in anticipation. The line started to move, and I edged forward, each step moving closer and closer to the love of my life, who stared back at me, though I wasn’t sure if he could exactly see me yet.

 

“Let’s do this,” My uncle chuckled, leading me forward after everyone had already gone off. I stepped into the room, and I could hear an audible gasp come from Brian, tears seeming to slip down his face. I grinned nervously, finally reaching the altar. My uncle stepped away from me, and I was left alone in front of the entire church. I stepped up and turned to face Brian, who looked just as nervous as I did, his cheeks pink and his hands shaking.

 

“You look..stunning,” He breathed, so quiet I was sure I was the only one who heard it. Behind me, I could hear Sophie, Alex, Laurie and Morgan giggling, only to be quickly silenced by the pastor. My cheeks flushed a ridiculous shade of pink as he began to speak, rambling on about something that I couldn’t quite hear before I heard Brian nod vigorously. “I do,” He spoke, his voice echoing through the entire church.

 

The pastor then turned to me, repeating the same thing, and then pausing for a response. “I do,” I told him, though my voice was so soft I wasn’t sure if anyone heard it. “I do,” I repeated, louder this time.

 

“You may kiss the bride,” I heard, followed by Brian’s lips crashing into mine and the thunderous sound of clapping surrounding me. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around Brian’s neck as he picked me up and twirled me around, cradling me as he took off down the aisle and through the front doors. We got into a sleek black car that I hadn’t seen before and pulled out of the parking lot. I looked back through the window and saw cars starting to pull out after us, following us down to the beach where we planned on having the reception.

 

I turned back around and looked at Brian, who was starting to tear up again. “I love you, y’know that, right?” He said, his face lit up with a ridiculous grin.

 

“Well good, or else this situation would be really awkward,” I teased, kissing his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder.

 

We pulled up to the beach and rushed out of the car, standing in awe at the scene before us. Tables upon tables were set up along the sand, decorated with flowers that seemed to glow in the dying light. Other people started piling out after us, kicking off their shoes and rushing onto the sand. Brian and I followed them, their euphoria seeming to infect us, barely able to hold back childish grins.

 

After we had eaten, Brian and I stood behind a massive cake while everyone gathered around, and I was handed a large, and rather intimidating, knife. I sliced a piece for myself, pretending to take a bite before smashing it into Brian’s face, followed by a chorus of cheers and laughs. Only a moment later, a piece of the cake had been squished into my face, the frosting squishing and leaving a gross, sticky feeling on my face. I could hear more cheers and cameras flashing, and I quickly rushed to wipe mine off, only to feel a tongue run across my cheek.

 

“Brian!” I shouted, jumping away in terror as I felt him lick away at some of the frosting.

 

He shrugged, as if to say _What did you expect me to do?_ And started to wipe off his own face, allowing me to properly clean off my own.

 

After we had finished cleaning and everyone had gotten their fair share of cake, music started to play from somewhere closer to the water. I looked up to see my band, consisting of Sophie, Morgan, and Laurie, starting to play, the music echoing through the air as the intro to an incredibly familiar song started. I looked closer, realizing that the microphone was left unattended, suddenly curious as to who was going to sing the song. I thought maybe I should just go up and sing, but I was surprised to see Gary jog from the crowd and position himself behind the mic, tossing his jacket off and rolling up his sleeves before he started singing. I mean sure, I knew he was a damn good manager, but I had never heard the man actually sing, but he had a phenomenal voice, one that almost made be break down right there in front of everyone as Brian pulled me against his body, swaying gently with the beat of the music.

 

 _She asked me, "Son, when I grow old,_  
_Will you buy me a house of gold?_  
 _And when your father turns to stone,_  
 _Will you take care of me?"_  
  
_She asked me, "Son, when I grow old,_  
 _Will you buy me a house of gold?_  
 _And when your father turns to stone,_  
 _Will you take care of me?"_  
  
_I will make you queen of everything you see,_  
 _I'll put you on the map,_  
 _I'll cure you of disease._  
  
_Let's say we up and left this town,_  
 _And turned our future upside down._  
 _We'll make pretend that you and me,_  
 _Lived ever after happily._  
  
_She asked me, "Son, when I grow old,_  
 _Will you buy me a house of gold?_  
 _And when your father turns to stone,_  
 _Will you take care of me?"_  
  
_I will make you queen of everything you see,_  
 _I'll put you on the map,_  
 _I'll cure you of disease._  
  
_And since we know that dreams are dead,_  
 _And life turns plans up on their head,_  
 _I will plan to be a bum,_  
 _So I just might become someone._  
  
_She asked me, "Son, when I grow old,_  
 _Will you buy me a house of gold?_  
 _And when your father turns to stone,_  
 _Will you take care of me?"_  
  
_I will make you queen of everything you see,_  
 _I'll put you on the map,_  
 _I'll cure you of disease._

 

I started sobbing like a freaking sap at that point, completely moved by the sound of the music, the beat seeming to pound inside my chest. Brian held me close to him, and I could hear his heartbeat, so strong and sure, and so incredibly relaxing. The music continued on well into the night, and I saw Sophie not too far away, chatting happily with Murr. I nudged Brian gently and gestured over to the two, winking at him not so subtly.

 

“You think they like each other,” He questioned, but I only shrugged.

 

“It’s too soon to tell, but they sure would make a cute couple,” I answered, my thoughts interrupted by a furious tapping on my shoulder. I turned around and felt Gary’s arms thrown around me, sweat and cologne and a slight hint of alcohol on his breath.

 

“I am so incredibly happy for you,” He said cheerfully, holding onto me for a minute before throwing his arms around Brian, who ended up being much taller than Gary. I silently laughed at the sight, Brian giving me one of his famous, if not pitiful, death glares. “You too man,” Gary continued, patting Brian on the back as if they were best friends. “I don’t even know you man, but you take good care of this girl, y’hear me?” he said, pulling away to get a good look at the both of us. “If not,” He started, “You’re gonna be getting’ a visit from me,” He threatened, laughing hysterically before walking off to mingle with the rest of the crowd.

 

“How drunk do you think he was?” Brian asked me, leaning over to whisper it in my ear.

 

“On a scale of 1 to 10? I’d have to say about a 23,” I poised, and Brian nodded, seeming to approve of my suggestion.

 

Joe and Sal eventually mingled over, both looking wonderful in their tux’s, and I could tell that even though they began teasing Brian, they were both incredibly happy for their friend.

 

“Congrats, buddy,” Joe said, wrapping Brian into a massive bear hug and patting him on the back before turning to me and giving me a much gentler hug, rubbing small circles along my back. Joe stepped away, and Sal came over and wrapped me up in a warm embrace, his hot breath tickling my neck.

 

“I’m so glad you’re happy,” He said, his voice sincere and utterly gleeful. “And I’m so grateful you still think I’m good enough to be in your life,” He continued, his cheeks seeming to grow hot against my skin.

 

“Oh, Sally boy, where would we be without you?” I questioned, pulling away to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, leaving him grinning happily.

 

“Now,” Joe announced, puffing his chest, and stomach, out ridiculously, “May I have the permission to borrow your husband?” he asked, earning gut busting laughter from me, Brian, and Sal. I nodded furiously, eager to see the three men dance, even though Brian was the biggest klutz I knew.

 

I watched them rush off and started to do what I would assume to be a ridiculous dance. I was laughing so hard I could feel the tears streaking down my face, the fit interrupted as Murr walked over. He seemed quiet for a moment, maybe trying to gather his thoughts together before he spoke, but when he did, his voice cracked with emotion.

 

“Addie, I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made not only Brian, but all of us. You’ve been an amazing friend to all of us, and I don’t know if there’s any way I can repay you for that. You’ve been there for all of us, it almost seems like you’re more of a mother to us than just a friend, and I’ll be honest, I don’t know where we’d all be without you, especially those three,” He gestured to the other guys, “And I don’t think there’s any proper way to thank you for that besides giving you our unending friendship. You’re so talented and beautiful, and you make Brian so happy in a way that I’ve never seen anyone else able to make him. You truly are the love of his life, and I can tell that he makes you feel the same way,” I nodded, “This is only the start of your journey, but I already know that it’s going to be a wonderfully wild one, especially with Brian at your side. I’m sorry, I’ve been rambling for far too long, I just wanted to say thank you for everything, not only from me, but all of the guys. You really left a lasting mark on all of us, and we’ll never forget that.”

 

I sort of sobbed at that, my throat closing up with emotion. I had no idea what to say, seemingly lost for words at his sudden expression. I shook my head, throwing my arms around him and pulling him into a long, heartfelt, embrace, and I could hear him starting to cry, too. We stood like that for a while before I stepped away, my hands still resting on his shoulders.

 

“James fucking Murray,” I sighed to myself, a grin lighting up my features. “You have been one of the best friends anyone could ask for, probably too good for someone like me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing friend, but I’m so happy you awkwardly stumbled into my life the way you did. You were there for me no matter what, and shit, you literally held me when I cried. I don’t know of many other people that would actually do that for someone, but you, James, you fuckin’ did it. You’re such a kind soul, and you deserve so much love from others, and I don’t think you realize that,” I told him, and now it was his turn to start sobbing. We hugged once again, and again, there were more tears. I stepped away, grinning wildly. “Follow me,” I told him, dragging him to where the instruments were set up near the waves. Almost as if on cue, the rest of my band gathered, picking up their instruments. I nodded to them, turning and speaking into the microphone.

 

“This one’s for James Murray, Sal Vulcano, and Joe Gatto, probably the best guys that’ve ever lived,” I spoke, shouting a _one, two, three!_ To my band and starting to sing.

 

 _Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall_  
_Hope when the water rises, you built a wall_  
 _Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name_  
 _Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay_  
  
_Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad_  
 _The only way you can know is give it all you have_  
 _And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain_  
 _Hope when the moment comes, you'll say..._  
  
_I, I did it all_  
 _I, I did it all_  
 _I owned every second that this world could give_  
 _I saw so many places, the things that I did_  
 _With every broken bone, I swear I lived_  
  
_Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up_  
 _And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup_  
 _Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain_  
 _But until my moment comes, I'll say..._  
  
_I, I did it all_  
 _I, I did it all_  
 _I owned every second that this world could give_  
 _I saw so many places, the things that I did_  
 _With every broken bone, I swear I lived_  
  
_Oh_  
  
_With every broken bone, I swear I lived._  
 _With every broken bone, I swear I..._  
  
_I, I did it all_  
 _I, I did it all_  
 _I owned every second that this world could give_  
 _I saw so many places, the things that I did_  
 _With every broken bone, I swear I lived._  
  
_Oh_  
  
_I swear I lived. Ohhh_

I stepped back from the microphone and saw Murr standing in awe, his hands covering his mouth, which was in what I’m sure was a massive _O_ shape. I giggled softly, then stepped forward again, speaking once more into the microphone.

 

“I think I owe someone else a song, don’t I?” I asked hearing a collective ‘Yes!’ from the crowd. I nodded, turning back to the rest of the band and nodding. I didn’t even need to count down before they were playing again.

 

 _All her life she has seen_  
_All the meaner side of me_  
 _They took away the prophet's dream for a profit on the street_  
  
_Now she's stronger than you know_  
 _A heart of steel starts to grow_  
  
_All his life he's been told_  
 _He'll be nothing when he's old_  
 _All the kicks and all the blows_  
 _He won't ever let it show_  
  
_'Cause he's stronger than you know_  
 _A heart of steel starts to grow_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been struggling to make things right_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
 _(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been working every day and night_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
 _(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_All the hurt, all the lies_  
 _All the tears that they cry_  
 _When the moment is just right_  
 _You see fire in their eyes_  
  
_'Cause he's stronger than you know_  
 _A heart of steel starts to grow_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been struggling to make things right_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
 _Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been working every day and night_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
 _(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
 _(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_She's got lions in her heart_  
 _A fire in her soul_  
 _He's got a beast in his belly_  
 _That's so hard to control_  
 _'Cause they've taken too much hits_  
 _Taking blow by blow_  
 _Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode_  
  
_She's got lions in her heart_  
 _A fire in her soul_  
 _He's a got a beast in his belly_  
 _That's so hard to control_  
 _'Cause they've taken too much hits_  
 _Taking blow by blow_  
 _Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode, explode, explode, explode_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been struggling to make things right_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been working every day and night_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
 _Oh, yeah..._  
 _(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
 _(Power, power, power, power, power)_  
  
_Ooh, yeah_  
 _Whoa_  
  
_(Every day, every hour_  
 _Turn the pain into power)_  
  
_When you've been fighting for it all your life_  
 _You've been struggling to make things right_  
 _That's how a superhero learns to fly_

I heard the crowd call out, clapping hands and whistles, but none of that mattered right now.

 

I looked at Brian’s face and saw the complete shock in his eyes, only lit up by the firelight beside us. Tears threatened to spill over, but there was no hiding the love that swam in those beautiful brown irises.

 

I took a tentative step forward, closing the gap between us.

 

We looked at each other for a moment, almost unsure of what to do next.

 

I closed my eyes, my lips meeting his in the most heartfelt kiss I’ve ever had.


	20. So We've Come To An End

Well guys, I guess this is it. Breathless has come to an end, and I won't lie and say I'm not heartbroken about it. I hope you've grown to love these characters as much as I have, and it sure is sad to see the story come to a finale. Don't fret too much, though, because I can promise a sequel. (See, I'm always looking out for you guys!) In all honesty, I want to start it right away, but I might just give you guys some time to stew on this ending for a bit. But, I won't make you guys wait too long, because I'm so excited to continue Brian and Addie's journey.

I have to give an insanely special thank you to Sofia_Summer1996. The support she gave me and this story, and she's one of the huge reasons it went on as far as it did. She's been a phenomenal friend and a great help in writing this story, and I know I couldn't have gone this far without her. So again, a huge thank you to her, and because of both of our stories, we've become great friends, despite the difference between us.

I also need to give a huge thank you to my two great friends who went along with this crazy idea for a story and supported me the entire way. They may not understand my love for these four guys, but they gave me the support I needed to carry on with this story. They've been such great friends to me, and deserve more than this small thank you can give them. Like I said, I'm glad they could join me for this crazy adventure and I sincerely hope they enjoyed the ride. Laurie, Morgan, I love you guys so much, and I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me, both relating to this story and not. Love you guys. <3

So, plans for the future...

Like I said, I do plan on doing a sequel that'll hopefully start up soon, but I also want to try and finish Far From Home, and maybe redo Just Grow Up Already, just because I don't like the way it's turning out.

I also wanted to maybe start a Hollywood Undead fanfiction, just because I've been super obsessed with them as of late, so, thoughts on that?

 

All in all, I've had an amazing time writing this story, and I couldn't have done it without all of the support from you guys.

Thank you all so much,

Cheers :o)


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